An old acquaintance posted this entry on FACEBOOK for all to see, tagging a bunch of us in it.
I DO NOT get what she is driving at and I refused to finish reading the entire text, i believe if she wanted to communicate, there must be a better way than this, are you trying to say you're repented over the fact that 'you've grown up too fast'?
Carolyn, don't you get it, its not about profanities, its not about the virginity that you've had 'stolen' its not about you and your underage clubbing ( back in those days). Stop insisting that 'you will always be caro no matter what you've done'.
It IS the awkwardness of it all, how water and oil don't mix, how there's no chemistry, how the whole group feels verbally handicapped when we are around you. Yes, i'm a coward for not putting this up as a reply on FACEBOOK, I dont see the need to wage a FACEBOOK comment war. You are fine the way you are no? you have your poly friends no? People move on and you HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. Its totally fine that you're feeling nostalgic, but don't we ALL lose friends on the way? Can't you swallow it and move on? And why make it sound as if we are at fault and you are the one who needs to be pitied?
We (ironically still the sevens) did not drift apart because we thought the friendship you have given us was worthless, its just how we cannot appreciate you as you are, so go on and find better friends. We've let you go on to find people who can definitely appreciate you more than we can.In other words, we gave you freedom from us, since you agreed that you grew up too fast , we are probably too childish for you back then huh?
Have copied word for word:
I have never felt so adamant about writing a blog entry until this particular one. It kept me thinking for a long while and I had to go back and forth before putting my foot down and writing this.
I've been anguish about this since a long time ago but I've never actually expressed it in any way. When I was younger, a bit about after my secondary school years, I had friends who turned their backs on me because they thought I clubbed too much & they thought I was rude when I used the term of expression "bitches" on them. I used to think that using "WOMAN - do your work" or "Hey Bitches - when are we meeting up again?" is totally fine because it's a very westernized style of writing. People choose to use "dear" & "Darling" for their terms of endearment but I chose to use profanities. This came with many disapproving looks.
In fact, I lost 6 great friends because of this. It never occurred to me up until now that I was blamed for my maturity and my growing up faster than them phase. Although it seems that this could be denied almost immediately, but I knew exactly what had gone through their minds at that time. I was denied invitations to birthday parties and get-together session. I was actually depressed at that time. I had chosen to rid of my secondary school memories because I fell out with the 2 best friends, and then these 6 others.
But then I realize all these years, when I blame myself for the drift of all the friendships I had - I realized it's not my fault. I realized just because I grew up faster than all of them - they can't fault me for that. Now I see them in full clubbing attire and pictures for the world to see, I feel sad. When I realize that they've learnt that "bitch", if used in a nice way - is perfectly fine, it makes me upset. It makes me think about how if I did not get my heart broken (too early) more than them, and if I had remained the silly girl with cockroach feelers for a hairstyle & a full-studious attitude, would I keep their friendship still?
Then I feel sad again. I realized - how much is my friendship worth, then?
Of all these years, as I try to patch things up with all my really (close) good friends, am I trying too hard? Or are some friendships worth the letting-go phase?
When we mature over the ages, we'd realize clubbing is part of the growing up phase. Just because I got smashed more times they did when I drank last time, and because I've had my heart broken, virginity stolen, mind wiser, I was blamed for all of these. I ask the question - is it fair? Is it fair that even though I no longer drink as much as I do last time, that they not ask me out to party with them? Is it fair that I am not asked for any big gatherings - like my friend's pageant or some birthdays or some get-togethers, I should blame myself when I look at those photos?
I'm sure if I go back to speaking to them now, I'd have countless of "been-there-done-that" experiences to share with them. (As I've always had) But just think for a moment - could I be blaming myself too much because of the friendship lost? I ponder.Maybe you just need more friends.
