Old Photos, New thoughts.

The camera is ageing.
Its lenses are fast blurring, and the memory card is full.
There are no photos I can delete, even if they have been transferred and uploaded somewhere.

I no longer upload pictures at the speed of light - I keep them stored in the memory card, hoping to prolong the lifespan of the memory, the vividness of it.

Recently, I dug out some old pictures from YOG. Yes it is easy to tell that I'm very attached to it. (I sleep with merly and lyo by my side, its not hard to tell). Coming back to NTU was hard, leaving the real world was hard. Reviewing these pictures brought about an epiphany, Well, perhaps I woulden be telling this tale had I not been part of YOG, but it was journey I learnt about being in control, losing control and finding it again.

YOG-bashers are everywhere. It's hard to justify the actions. It's just hurtful to hear them go on and on about it. What have we become? Have we lost sight of the bigger picture? The reason why Singapore bided for YOG in the first place?
For some, I hope not.
And in time to come, hopefully many may come to see the point of it.


CLOSING CEREMONY - 24th August 2010 (Thursday)

we can't live life without giving part of our heart/minds to someone

True? A conversation with old Mr F seems to say it all (for us at the very least).
This nagging thought in my head has finally been affirmed by someone else.
The reasons can be so simple:

1. its just convenient to keep holding on
2. because by holding on, i dont end up liking other people when im not ready to, or found one really suitable to
3. and in the meantime, we get daily doses of pain, which is manageable

maybe we are hard-wired to be generous in that way

As much as I would like to do away with thoughts of X, it really is much easier to just hold on to the thought.
use it as a shield for the bad things that come along, and wait for another chance encounter.

This is surprising, the 1st night I've stayed up till after 2am.
And these little concepts of the heart, so rewarding.

The "dark side"

They always call PR and Advertising the dark side of the media.
The ruthless, capitalistic cousin of Journalism and research, which of course is for the good of all men.

The media track for me, started with a simple wish to work with a magazine, to be a journalist. That wish was fulfilled in 2008 when I was in Hong Kong for a Journalism internship with Business Traveller - I fought hard for it, and it was worth it.

Having done that, I felt that I was no longer interested in Journalism. You know that nagging feeling that pushes you to reach for your goal? well, that feeling was suddenly gone having interned, Journalism, or rather just the will and desire to write, seemed to have left me. Also, having seen very sucky PR executives, I decided to venture into the field and see what it really is like. I got hooked and sucked deep in, with my one-track mind, I thought that was it. Was I running away from journalism? Given that CCC overshadowed me during that previous internship (in terms of writing) , was I truly running?

It helped that I always did PR with such ease, it reflected in my life, my grades. I can try so damn hard to do a "proper job" in a journalism class and get a miserable "B" while in PR class, I happily skipped my way to an "A". Well, I thought that was a sign.

Two PR internships later - the jargons and execution are no longer a big problem - my decision no longer seemed right. There is so much more to learn about PR, and even more to learn about journalism. But..what sets my heart ablaze? What/where can I truly do what I want to; meet new people, write for a greater purpose, help, salvage, get on the same ground as the my stakeholders? I guess the answer was probably right before me (literary), on the wallpaper of my phone.


"Journalism will kill you, but it'll keep you alive while you're at it."
Horace Greeley.


Maybe it ain't about money, nice corporate suits anymore. It's about getting down and dirty and pleasing the very heart that once decided, well, Maybe.





Afterall, this decision is not for life. It's just for the moment.

Of tequila cups, toads, wild boars and powerpuff girls

A virtual layer of dust has descended on my blog.
Time has proven not to always be medication for the heartbroken.
For sometimes, the bitterness of it lingers.

Thursdays are for now labelled as "Chron Thursdays" - where ideas are thrown around in a room full of potential journalists from 5.30 - 7.30pm at the WKWSCI. I have not quite decide if I'm totally sold, but emotionally, I'm very taken by Chron.
This big get-together, which i term as "work" normally ends as we make a decision to have an EPIC dinner somewhere.
Ikea was our choice this week, meatball, broccoli (drenched in meatball sauce), chicken wings and quotable statements.

Life can be so simple sometimes. Or so I thought.

On the way back to hall a sense of helplessness hovered as I chance upon "the-toad-that-looks-me-in-the-eye".
Its mind was set on staying in the middle of the pavement, I turned and fled.
If the speed I ran was kept consistent (with 2.4km of running track before me) I would have broken some kinda runner's record.
Just as I thought I got on safe ground, a wild boar was spotted. WILD BOAR WILD BOAR.
It was huge, black and furry. So no where is truly safe except my my room I guess.
And so here I sit, traumatised, my fingers typing profusely like words will bring the shock away.
Well, maybe.

No chances to seize.

Received a call today about a possibility of working with a beer company for Final-year project.
Unfortunately I'm not year 4.
Chances, sometimes they come and go.

Sometimes you hear your own heart break...

and there's little you can do about it.

Seattle (Coffee), here I come !

So hello Seattle.
and to be exact, USA - and finally the my dream of heading to Andy Warhol's Museum, New York Museum of natural history, Times Square etc etc etc will be fulfilled.

Today is the best day yet.

Heavy in your arms.

You're so heavy in my heart.
So damn heavy.
Walking along the same corridors, your presence hangs loosely around me.
Your surround me, even when you are miles away.

But I'm so happy, and maybe too happy.
At the very least you are far away.
and you haven proven (during the last 4 months or so) that we are an absolute, a definite, definitely impossible.
I like that idea.
No, I love it.
Love the fact that you don't give a damn about me, so I can't move forward with you.
Nothing I detest more than the inability to move forward in life.

So maybe the idea of "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" - doesn't really work on me.
One thing's for sure thou - Time is a crucial factor in this mix.
At least I know you've pretty much forgotten about my existence and I had better learn to forget you as well.

What a morbidly cheerful post.

My future boyfriend would be..

very thankful to Libing.

Because of the pictures she has taken of me,
I can;t help but think forward..
she has capture the days and moments of our friendship,
something the future X has yet to be part of.






and our journey with the flame of youth (now this sounds all very YOG-ish aint it? This is the post-yog syndrome!)








Days of our lives. Now next step - SOMETHING EVEN MORE EXCITING, and the first of its kind. :)
It might be legendary, ordinary or just a flop.
But we have time to perfect it, we have youth to perfect it and keep trying for it.

School's Cool.

I'm back in school.
It's hectic only because I screwed up my modules again.
I realise that I can always try to be a planner, but ultimately, the truth is I'm not.
I work best when I'm on my toes.
I hate being pushed to the edge, completing last minute tasks, but I'm better at that strangely.
Very Strangely.

Despite the fact that I have not fully moved into hall,
I can safely tell for sure that getting hall was a big blessing in disguise.
Someone asked me today - "How did you get hall?"
I stammered, I really did not know.
My points were far too low, maybe it was volleyball, maybe it was pub.
Maybe baby, but i'll likely never find out.

//

Keat and Xinyu are off to Taiwan and Hong Kong for their grad trip.
A trip I always thought I would be part of.
And now, all I can do is watch them embark on that trip.
But i know they'll have fun.
and my heart is in their luggage, tugged in a corner.

Have fun, besties.




Have the time of your life, this is youth, and graduation.
Meanwhile I'll be hanging out in my hall 9, waiting to hear from you guys.