my 2006

mum has been back for 8 days now, n she'll be leaving in abt a day n a half.
i had a good time, things have almost gone back to normal.
nope, things HAVE ALREADY GONE BACK TO NORMAL.

...


we had lotsa good food/ fine dining, xmas shopping and great time in the car toogether, as a nice warm family.
how many of you can truly say that u spend good quality time with ur mama, papa and siblings?
well, i have.
despite the act that the duration was not long enough,
here was a memorable one:
the trip to the crystal jade brunch of korean restaurant.

















it was goood cos it's KOREAN FOOD! and the family is with me.

the bbq was fantastic, the meat was bloody juicy, bloody flavourful, and the pancake is so crispy, the atmostphere was so RIGHT. if u wanna know how it reallly taste like, u can alwways call me.hahahaha!
kimichi was great with rice, just as howw meat taste much fresher n authentic when wrapped in lettuce. the crispiness in contrast with the tender meat is to-die-for.





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my new year resolutions,

1) to find myself.
i know it sounds rather lame, but after a long convo with wei arng, i decided that i miss being myself and im sick of being pissed off, disappointed.

2) to work for value, not money./ to be less greedy.
i have to stop thinkiing of money, and concentrated on more value orientated stuffs.

3) to try very hard to find that balance betweeen old comfy friends n new understanding friends.

4) to try ULTRA hard to find the balance between my family n friends.

5) to convince mum to leave her job willingly, wiith another job waiting for her.

6) to learn korean
i want to b able to speak a decnet korean sentence by the start of the next year in school.

7) to read alot, to watch korean films.

8) to save alot of money to go korea.

9) to be able to put my soul into work n yet not lose track of who i am.
stop thw whole 'disappointed with other people' shit, coss im not THAT perfect myself.LOLS.

10) to treasure what i have around me, every single thing.
from the unwashed laundry and housework (at least i have clothes to wear) to the food i have on my table.(at least i have food lah!)

11) to eat healthier, more veggie, alot more veggie.

12) to buy the shin goon doll, somehow.














































bye bye 2006!
i'll miss u, u were the most fast , surprising and most changes year ever.
thk u for making me grow up so fast!

big hugs 2006!

shin tofu doll

im am sadly amazed by how many hypocrites there are around.
hahaha, earth is a pathetic superficial place.


......


i don't want the shin tofu doll. (i want to buy it!)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (i love goong and shin n bing gong mama to bits!!!)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (it is bloody ex, at 50 dollars???? but i still love it)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (it's so huggable!)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (everyone has it, y shld i follow?) but it's sososos cute)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (i want it, simple n pure)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (my heart calls out its name)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (i feel it in my arms, on my bed)
i don't want the shin tofu doll. (im in love with it)

the shin tofu doll is newly available at minitoons, i know, hyper lame!
i wun buy it lah!








i want the shin dollie!

my mum.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ms Chong Li Bing




.........

a day in school.

i think we could do more, i think it might not be his mood.
i think we could improve, do more, improve.
i cant take it, i know its lame.
what's wrong with the script?

i know 'director' is just a name, a title,
but i feel responsible, it's not good enough, y haven i got the courage to spit it all out, instead of just saying mayb mayb mayb, that it would turn out aright.

it's just that the cast is ready, the location is ready and the equipments have been checked out.

i feel so screwed that i can curl up and die, but mummy's coming home.
that's cool.

............


had a pre xmas dinner with keat and xinyu
it pains my heart seeeing xinyu getting thinner, i've talked to her, make her eat, but i cant monitor her 24 hrs.

keat on the other hand can make me laugh like nuts, usual.

it started out bad, like with them obviously wanting to have NYDC rather then settle at claritys'.
i persuaded them to go for chicken ballotin they din seem to care n went for bake rice, so ya, turns oout i had the best meal.
and xinyu got cranky half way thru, and i tried my best to pamper n love.
there's a strange atmosphere that lingers, yet there's a familiarity that we've always had. its hard to describe.
i just want them to be happy.

i hear about their lives and it is so enriching, they HAVE A LIFE. they have plans, and im just there, taking baby steps. keat is going aussie, likely, for attachment, and she;s going to b on LIME! xinyu wants to start a business rite after sch. PLANS FOR THE future, but xinyu did say smtg that that kinda irritated me, i think im just sensitive and possessive. It was smtg about 'if she had the chance, she would go TP's mass comm', ok, sounds cool rite.i think it was the already lingering atmosphere + the way she said it.

we took a walk, shopped and did the usual stuffs. i cant get the past back into my life.
so it ends here, with feelings i cannt describe.
bless u girls.


......


sarcrifice.
how much does it take, how much will u give and how far will u go.
i ask myself that day after, and after interviewing melanie, it goes grows in me.
like it's seeded for forever more.
and the question is how far will u go , and what drives u to make those sarcfices.

sarcrifies for the self, it coould be for happiness, for wealth for health.
Sarcrifices for someone else, pushin someone off the road just b4 an accident, saving her life, risking urs.
these are sarcrifices, and i can never get them.

if its not spur moment, then iits probably for love, this is what i reckon.




..........



i cleaned the hse, clearing out dust and unwanted.
a major milestone was me throwing away 3 pairs of shoes, 4 actually, if the red one had been here.
















.....

death , loss and love

on death, loss and love.




you go to sleep one nite thinking that u''ll be fine tomorow. You have a splitting headache but you dont think it's gonna last for more then one nite. You din think you would die in the hospital of stroke. Is this the work of god? or does death and dying lie in the hands of the devil? what have you done to deserve this, but most importantly, what has your family done to deserve losing you, and their source of support?





......





you are left alone, losing your group becos u read their peer evaluation of you. you decided that ur ego is too big for this, you decided to make them think that they are losing an asset becos of you. You sit alone in the class room, thinking that someone will accept you into a new group, u want out of the old group. You let ur ego wonder thhru the classroom, but everyone smashed it.
We decided to give u a chance with this project, to shelter ur ego, and make the loss not so hard for u. U say its ur reputation they destroyed, u said u wanted to join our group for every single project, u request fro a changw without getting our approval. WHAT IS WRONG WITH U? mayb u deserve the loss and the smashing of the ego.
you can destroy urself, dont destroy our lives. We cant work with u long term.



.....





i woke up this morning feeling empty. projects are done.


Bauhaus/logos-DONE
photoshop and dreamweaver test-DONE
Media and society test-DONE
Marketing communication-DONE
editing of location video production-DONE





the end of one is aways the start of another. Final project on the way. Being the director feels wayyy tooo scary for me. But i know they will always help.

mum is flying back this friday. i cant go overseas with her, i cant spend most of my time with her. Cos filming is going to take place, THE CUBE's website is going to be set up soon. i miss being loved. i miss being able to meet her afterschool every other day to have lunch, sometimes at hawker, sometimes at jack's place. i miss having her around to suan me. Come to think of it, she's coming back very soon, but it means she's going back again pretty soon.

two of my loves will b celebrating what they deem as a birthday soon.
For mel, may ur loveliness transcend thru time.
For Bing, may love, money, food and happpiness be part and parcel of ur life, for as long as ur stay on planet earth.(u know u love all these)



may santa claus visit me soon and grant my only wish.

all good things come to an end

so you can do all the talking.
when ur busy and dying and doing massage.

so i cant tell u when im busy and dying and still dying.
YES, im hot-tempered and the whole world has offended me this time round.

i hate doing fucking graphic design, i cant communicate using graphic.HAPPY?
im a adobe idiot.

oh anyway, i wanna thk dad for bringing me around, it saved me so much time.

i dreamt that i ran away to malaysia, away from everything, away from all these sleepless nites.
with no clothes to wear except my lousy OP tee, ehich i have bot wore out of the hse in 3 years,

u said u dreamt of me, daddy and bro. i hope ur not lying.


.........


shot of the day during locvid.
location video seems a lil better suddenly.

Crystal Ball

Tong loves to blog, but is too busy to do so.

good bye blogger, at least for the nxt 2 weeks.

yea, i know i SHOULD NOT BE BUSY DURING DEC!
it's the time of the year when joy blooms and accelerates everyday, but the closest thing i see is a couple of deadline.


oh man, kill me!
but fuck me b4 i die.

for today.

today:


wonderwall x1

yong heng x2

green tea names x 10 and above

fave cracked mirror x1

stained Quiksilver singlet x1

uncompleted projectss x many.



just look at how screwed life is right now.

-

FINE.
if u dun wanna do housework.
FINE.
if u wanna leave the dirty clothes to rot.
FINE.
if u wanna leave the clean laundry to dry on their own in a pile.
FINE.
if u wwanna carry on living like this.

FINE.
absolutely fine.
i just wanna remind u guys that i might be the only lady in the house right now, but pls dont associate me with housework and only housework.
i ccould fuck care like all of u guys,
i could FUCK CARE.
juss to remind u, i have been leaving the house earlier than any of u guys and getting back later than any of u guys.
1st one out the door, last one locking thee door.

i might not make money all the time i spent OUT, but u dont fucking push the fucking responsibilities to me.


i have enough fucking things to deal in school, dont u do this to me.

.


i feel like crying again, all cos of anger and more anger.

dun u fucking scream at me just becos i din turn off the heater or that i asked u to hang ur clothes.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU,
has been used too often, too simply, so without a care.
you can say in a bitchs' face, I LOVE YOU, you can tell ur dear family I LOVE YOU.
to whom are u telling the truth, and will they know.

the purest I LOVE YOU, how should you go about saying it? when is the time for it? not jus in an sms, dont jus end an email/ a conversation with I LOVE YOU, good bye.

inject real love to it, dont dilute its meaning and love.

and that's all i feel like saying today.

elsewhere.

during the weekends, i read a book so astonishing heart-warming that i decided to share it with the world.

ELSEWHERE by gabrille Zevin. my younger bro finished reading it and told me it was really NICE, i was stressed out and it need of somewhere to vent that emotion, so isat down with that book in hand. Not knowing how much tears it would cost me.

































Liz dies in a hit-and-run at the age of 16. She sails to what is deemed as HEAVEN. She know she will never get the chance to fall in love, to get married, to have kids. Not only is she deprived of all the womanly chores, she can no longer complete what she was doing on earth, like getting a driver's licence and finishing highschool. She will never see her parents, her dog nor her beloved younger brother again. the worst form of separation ever.

she moves to ELSEWHERE, as i said, which is what tat's deemed as HEAVEN, she meets her deceased grandmother betty, whom she never got to see because of her early passing due to cancer. Liz is reunited with her grandma, a dead rock star and starts to realise that death has so much more to offer. Elsewhere is another dimemsion. mayb we should try dying.

To think that i have complained so much while im still alive, i feel sinned beyond recognition.



do give it a shot, bound to drive u into tears. Reflect on life, mayb life has gave u too much, and all u desire is MORE.