Come what may.

Come what may.
As long as there are tea lattes to be drank, i will be fine - pretty much.

Am leaving for beijing in a matter of days.
Biometrics passport is in the making.
Dad's nagging about laundry (and winter clothes).

Im still in a mad rush to finish my assignments.
Im still finding a place here.
Im still figuring how this semester works.
Im still anticipating a tornado thats gonna sweep me off my feet.

Facebook is a medium.
A tool.
Often misused and somewhat misrepresented.
I have no idea why i want to be associated with it.

we're talking about males

3 days and counting.
My heart's beating as if i've been running 2.4km non-stop for 3 days.
waiting, wishing, wanting.
"busy', 'away','out to lunch'.

The anticipation can be a lil too heartbreaking for me.

//


I once respected you, looked up to you and anticipated the sessions.
And seeing you reach out to help those needly midgets?
it was part of the programme, the system, the way chefs can't run away from killing a fish.
Now, i despise you.
Your measurement was of good intentions, but not so for us.
Not for us thus far.
Not asking you for help turns out to be a crime, a silent unholy crime.
Quiet, deafening, and killing us ever so softly.
Will you be fair again?

repentance, if any.

An old acquaintance posted this entry on FACEBOOK for all to see, tagging a bunch of us in it.
I DO NOT get what she is driving at and I refused to finish reading the entire text, i believe if she wanted to communicate, there must be a better way than this, are you trying to say you're repented over the fact that 'you've grown up too fast'?

Carolyn, don't you get it, its not about profanities, its not about the virginity that you've had 'stolen' its not about you and your underage clubbing ( back in those days). Stop insisting that 'you will always be caro no matter what you've done'.
It IS the awkwardness of it all, how water and oil don't mix, how there's no chemistry, how the whole group feels verbally handicapped when we are around you. Yes, i'm a coward for not putting this up as a reply on FACEBOOK, I dont see the need to wage a FACEBOOK comment war. You are fine the way you are no? you have your poly friends no? People move on and you HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. Its totally fine that you're feeling nostalgic, but don't we ALL lose friends on the way? Can't you swallow it and move on? And why make it sound as if we are at fault and you are the one who needs to be pitied?

We (ironically still the sevens) did not drift apart because we thought the friendship you have given us was worthless, its just how we cannot appreciate you as you are, so go on and find better friends. We've let you go on to find people who can definitely appreciate you more than we can.In other words, we gave you freedom from us, since you agreed that you grew up too fast , we are probably too childish for you back then huh?


Have copied word for word:



I have never felt so adamant about writing a blog entry until this particular one. It kept me thinking for a long while and I had to go back and forth before putting my foot down and writing this.

I've been anguish about this since a long time ago but I've never actually expressed it in any way. When I was younger, a bit about after my secondary school years, I had friends who turned their backs on me because they thought I clubbed too much & they thought I was rude when I used the term of expression "bitches" on them. I used to think that using "WOMAN - do your work" or "Hey Bitches - when are we meeting up again?" is totally fine because it's a very westernized style of writing. People choose to use "dear" & "Darling" for their terms of endearment but I chose to use profanities. This came with many disapproving looks.

In fact, I lost 6 great friends because of this. It never occurred to me up until now that I was blamed for my maturity and my growing up faster than them phase. Although it seems that this could be denied almost immediately, but I knew exactly what had gone through their minds at that time. I was denied invitations to birthday parties and get-together session. I was actually depressed at that time. I had chosen to rid of my secondary school memories because I fell out with the 2 best friends, and then these 6 others.

But then I realize all these years, when I blame myself for the drift of all the friendships I had - I realized it's not my fault. I realized just because I grew up faster than all of them - they can't fault me for that. Now I see them in full clubbing attire and pictures for the world to see, I feel sad. When I realize that they've learnt that "bitch", if used in a nice way - is perfectly fine, it makes me upset. It makes me think about how if I did not get my heart broken (too early) more than them, and if I had remained the silly girl with cockroach feelers for a hairstyle & a full-studious attitude, would I keep their friendship still?

Then I feel sad again. I realized - how much is my friendship worth, then?

Of all these years, as I try to patch things up with all my really (close) good friends, am I trying too hard? Or are some friendships worth the letting-go phase?

When we mature over the ages, we'd realize clubbing is part of the growing up phase. Just because I got smashed more times they did when I drank last time, and because I've had my heart broken, virginity stolen, mind wiser, I was blamed for all of these. I ask the question - is it fair? Is it fair that even though I no longer drink as much as I do last time, that they not ask me out to party with them? Is it fair that I am not asked for any big gatherings - like my friend's pageant or some birthdays or some get-togethers, I should blame myself when I look at those photos?

I'm sure if I go back to speaking to them now, I'd have countless of "been-there-done-that" experiences to share with them. (As I've always had) But just think for a moment - could I be blaming myself too much because of the friendship lost? I ponder.



Maybe you just need more friends.

Fear.

What am is so afraid of?


what's that thing that's eating me inside out?

beat up

i need you i want you i feel you.
Im dying for a coffeebean session with a loved one at Westmall's coffeebean.
Doing the good ole Malibu dreams.
sharing New York Cheesecake.
be anti-social, read a book, talk cock.

get away from MCM, from NP
from new media.

Im so lost and tired just spinning rounds and rounds with nothing accomplished yet.
I bet you so can tell right?

Vapour

//



Sweet and ultimately sad.
This whole superficial conversation which boiled down to, simply vapour.

you know how vapour is formed by condensation,
a process that takes a little time and the right conditions.
and even given all the right factors, a vapour hardly lasts.

,

now how do you lock such emotions somewhere?

The sweetest Occasion.

Sandy baby's 19 birthday was all about comfy/controversial conversations.
Afternoon tea at fosters was sheer delight.

Cream , jam and scones accompanied by fragrant perfume-like earl grey.

As they chatter on about wedding plans, i cant help but feel 'intoxicated' with bliss.
"My friends are so blessed."
Wendy, with her perfectionist wedding
Sandy, with her summer fling wedding party at Dempsey (oh whatever i cant spell)
and Li Bing, just as clueless as i am.
She's abit of a hopeless romantic, I was too, but its no longer the case.

Speaking of which, HN and Sandy, they're the cutest couple i know.
And Sandy's absurd matchmaking plans for me is irritating but nonetheless very entertaining.
Keep it coming Sandy!

Im contented in most aspects of my life but the fear of hitting 20 is intimidating.
in half a year i'll hit 20!
that 'old hag' feeling is surfacing, i'm leaving my teens dude!

ah anyway i decided that maybe i'll wanna play 'lucky' if i have a wedding.
isnt it lucky to be love with your best friend?!





WHOOSH sunday will be over real quick - WHY oh WHY.

We cry.

Now and then i see a lil spark,
but i still dont know who's gonna catch me if i fall.


it has almost cross over to hatred.

coveted.

The internet distracts me.
Make-up products on the internet distracts me.


I honestly wonder why SU bother coating their cult product in gold, which i reckon after a couple of uses its gonna look exactly like what they originally have. FUNCTION OVER FORM.
But then i need to contradict myself and say that it really is kinda gorgeous and is a great (not to mention handy) accessory in a make-up pouch.




every morning when im doing my routine, i have to be constantly reminded NOT to overdo my liner and make it a smoky eye.
And most of the time i still end up with a fake smudged smoky eye look at the end of the day after 8 hours..
but anyways, a real smoky eye will be so much easier with this set i reckon...I did quite like the mascara when i did a make-over a couple of months ago. And the eye shadow is super tempting.




Pure lust. When i saw it i was like WTF!!! Super sweet JC brushes.
i just wished this wasn't limited edition, oh heavenly collection.






There's just no end to a wishlist. damnit.

The Ghost of you and me.

You are the monster in my life,
Haunting,
Terrorising,
and Destructive.

The irony of it all falling together,
creating a colourful palette of a heartbroken soul.

That is,
Disposable-ly yours.

May I ask if you treat everyone like that?

a penance for pain.

Sometimes when im on the way home, of course when its all grey and dark, I have the urge to instead, take a plane to my mum's side. I want to return home to a noisy and naggy mother, fresh laundry and home-cooked food.

And then i remember that she gave all of her youth to us, my brother and i, and daddy, and she has a life too, its just her time to soar like an eagle and return to use when she's tired. Its just like a baseball game where players keep hitting and running till they hit a home-run. Im waiting for mum to hit hers, and decide that the game's over - come home.

We could be best friends again, we could see each other and bicker everyday. We don't have to sing daddy's birthday song over the phone and I don't have to try and match up to all the roles that you were. When im tired and stressed i just wished you'll be the one telling me a stupid joke about your silly encounters of the day, or emphasizing the need to stop frowning.



"It was my father who grew toward us as the years went by; it was my mother who grew away."


For now, My nosey neighbour constantly probes about my emotional welfare, i wished she could stop so i can also stop giving her the standard small talk answers, yeah, maybe one day when i agree to go to church with her. No innuendo intended ok.

mad about eyes, for today

The most comprehensive eyeliner video ever.


http://www.allure.com/howtos/video/2008/09/eyeliner



Make-up is a less time-consuming, more interesting way to de-stress.
Despite the crunch-time vibes that i have been getting since week one, I managed to play with some new products.

Tried & Tested:

1. Diorshow(DS) Mascara
This is a super overrated Marscara, and seriously the best thing about Dior is their powder and blush? DS is a super strong formula that is just about strong.

Yea sure they tried to innovate a '2-way' mascara wand (flat and curl)but nah, no volume and only 5% increase in length lah. Full size is like 30 or 40 plus SGD? I think MJ works better.


2. E.L.F eyeliner pencil in Black
Super cheap liner from Sasa (designed in US, made in China). Its 5 bucks and comes with a sharpener. great creamy formula, easy to apply but needs to be set with some powder.(Gives similar effect of AllURE beauty video)


I should have bought this when i just started playing with make-up.
need a smudge tool.need a smudge tool.need a smudge tool.



PS: LIBING! MJ IS IN TOWN (takashimaya's watsons or northpoint's watson)

Stash.

Why do you not use make-up?

A) I can never wake up on time, much less say find time to doll myself.
B) I don't buy make up.
C) I'm too beautiful, makeup ruins my face instead.
D) I have no make-up skills.
E) I don't know how to buy/choose make-up.
F) My skin is perfect, make-up is redundant.


Hmm, i wonder.
.

School consumes my energy, ALL.
alas, i always find time for simple make up – sun screen, concealer, eyeliner, mascara and a touch of blush
But recently i realised that my time for eating breakfast has been tremendously cut down.
And the myth about how make-up kills skin?
HUH, its a myth.
Since starting make-up routine, my skin condition actually improved.

My random saturday morning was spent sorting out all these candy-coloured palettes.
Fair enough not everything is candy coloured!




Getting the Shu Uemura's eyelash curler was a treat for myself (i harboured a desire for it since sec 3...)
and plucking brows have definitely saved me quite abit of money, thou by trial and error i sometimes pluck off more than i should. (I wanna practice on pple! practice makes perfect yo.)



Brushes are something i have recently got acquainted with, its amazing now i cant do without them.
No one laughs at my eyeliner as much now!
I'm secretly saving up for some bobbi brown brushes..hmm.they make great xmas presents!
while everyone but clothes, im secretly saving to build a make-up brushes empire.



Ta-dah. Wonder truck, life has simply changed.




.




back to writing stories for ngee ann polytechnic.
ain't it sweet?

Opinions, thou i hate to do this.

YA LAAH YA LAH

i need to go on a real bloody date.



But perhaps i'm too much of an interrogating girl-friend to most people,
too straight forward, blunt,
fussy, driven-by-food,
tall, as sandy puts it ' need conversation skills' (which I personally don't think so but we'll see),
I probe and probe and probe,but is that wrong?

it kinda intimidates guys, no?


.
Why Do i scare boys?
Speak your two cents worth please, and be honest.


,


are pink stockings, black platform heels and
high-waisted skirts to tough to handle?

Irony.

I can change my hair,
pile myself with make-up,
dress up day-after-day,
gain weigh, lose weigh,
but in the end, to you,
is it what's inside that counts?

i wonder.

i can lose myself in heart-pounding music,
eat and binge on alcohol,
call you and text you,
but in the end, to you,
won't i be just a strange little kid vying for attention?

the irony of the situation is that you are the real kid,
not me.

so perhaps whatever I do is to try to get to you.
Alas, you don't see it.
you never do.

i miss mum because she is the solution to all my problems.

My take on her story.

2hours and 4 text messages later,
it became some what evident that, like all the other times they decide to give it a miss,
tonight would be just like any other.

unsure if its calm composure of just cool arrogance,
she lied.


//


How would i define a fairytale,
a shoulder to hide behind during a horror movie
2/3 of the umbrella covering me
a ear to scream into
an undying patience
a slow, warm and strong voice



is there a men library? maybe i'll be willing to pay for the membership.



If i finish reading 'essays in love' will i understand?
will i understand what and why this is the way it is?
will i find our grey area (instead of conforming to wei long's black and white theory?)
will i have ran out to the bus stop instead?


Partying will solve it isnt it?

weekend thrill.

Retro-ness and childhood all rolled into one.
Meet my new colour-tv set!
Its portable, and yes, cable-enabled, just in case ur wondering.
Now i can catch the latest breaking news on CNN, now i bet even the lecturers are jealous.






I suppose i could stop checking out AsiaOne afterall.
Love at first sight.





still stressing over school thou.

as we see it.

A day before school started, i resumed reading 'essays in love', a book that focuses on philosophical theories that revolves around love, a relationship.

I have been reading this on/off for a year now, heavy stuffs.
re-visiting a book was way emotional, and that was exactly how i felt, overwhelmed.
By the whole concept of falling in love and staying in love.

"Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful,because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but oneself, a private pain that is as bitter-sweet as it is self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply being hurt to take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself."

A de-stress session with BBB, Sandy and new-comer Wei long ended up just as philosophical. We discussed of a certain possibility of being homo, stereotypes, a whole string of 'intro-dialogues' and the reason behind singleton. well, sandy is out of that as we know she is happily glued to boyfriend of 3 years and counting.


what makes this so hard?
what makes her so happy?
and lastly, with irrelevance, what makes school so tough?

When we play, we play HARD.

god i wished school's still out and partying is still main focus.
now i have to kiss partying and fun gooodbye and think about how to stay afloat.














WHEN CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN
im sick of school already

School has started.

big eraser friend,

you need to understand that i am not as disposable as you think i am.
you need to know.
but how do i go about telling you?



Horrid is the new school.

Jiale.

Mama is back, which is undoubtedly a great thing.
I love that wonderful feeling of having someone to bicker with, someone to pamper me and someone to pay for some of the items i covet.
Ahhhh, motherly love is the greatest love.

That aside,



Jiale left for UK, which somehow shook me a little.
Don't be mistaken, im not pretending to be the emo BFF but a recent met up left me thinking about filling-the-gaps.
which i have to say frankly, we should forgo the content part, just focus on the comfy feelings we have.
we have both added quite a number of people in out lives, its just a lil sad that we grew apart.

as with all the kinds of friendships these days, you take some, and you lose some.
aint i lucky i have libing, keaty, Xy,sandy, cha and a couple of fantastic ladies in my life?
i hope we grow old together, drinking tea and watching lovers go by. (well, the last one was random.)

Chua Xinyu, Rain

Call her: CHUA XINYU, RAIN

Status: very SLIM

Be charmed by...
her lady-like features, with a brain that functions like an encyclopedia of various workout plans and routines that will sharpen and tone every part of your body. Zest and entrepreneurship, set to rule the world with IT knowledge, business skills and not to mention a strong financial backing. Do note that she's heading for UK very very soon...

Her kinda men:
Give her someone mature and stable, preferably driving a BMW, 10 years older (just the way she likes it, medium well) and has assets that can pay for at least one Agnes B boutique (all goods inclusive) per month.

I'm thinking private banker, banker, millionaire (is that a job?) or billionaire.

she's sweet enough for all those i reckon.

Before i embark on my projects...

WHY I HATE MILEY CYRUS (OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS)





what the hell is wrong with these Disney kids?
why too sick of feeling all prim and proper?
the hair, the pout, the tee, the underwear - ONLY 15?
is she yearning to get laid or what

Join my hate group please
YUCK.

Projects A, B and C

Am gonna do a series of good-single-friends introduction on the blog
much like advertising, much like 'WANTED' posters, but more fun.
I'll quote them, bitch about them and pretty much try my best to 'sell' them just for the fun of it!


LOOK OUT FOR THE FIRST LUCKY FRIEND.

(im looking at a lady a year older then me and it too awfully thrifty for her status )



OOH, cant wait to embark on Project ALPHA.
As for Project BETA, Im gonna start an inspiration cut-out diary for all the pretty things i see in magazines (beauty advice, my current vice, fashion, food and basically lifestyle needs). I just need a huge pretty (preferably hard cover note book)
And as for Project GAMMA, its gonna be room-revamp, which includes moving furniture out and decorating my bare wall.

with just weeks left till start of school, i had better get my bum working.

Trippy with my pretties.

You can't fight this feeling:











Li bing a LIL moody in Zouk.




Ms Tong went out with Ms Taiwan and Ms Editor on a whirlwind trip meant for long lost lovers.
how can you deny them of the right to feel good together?

Hello friend.

I think we were happier then.
i thought.

SEX AND THE CITY SEQUEL - confirmed

I cant tell you how HAPPY i am!
tis confirmed!

as taken from Fadedyouthblog:

At last night’s Sex and the City: The Movie DVD launch at the New York Public Library, Sarah Jessica Parker and show creator Michael Patrick King confirmed that there will be a sequel.
Thursday night at the Public Library party for the DVD of the film, he and Sarah Jessica Parker confirmed it. He’s off to write the next installment. Both SJP and Kim Cattrall told me they’re excited to see what he comes up with.
King told me, quipping, “I’m thinking of doing an animated version of them as babies.” SJP added, “Let’s wring everything we can out of this thing!”

sentimental heart.

I've always wondered why songs about heartbreak always sound better.

My current playlist is filled with lots of those

1. Realize - Colbie Caillat
2. No Air - Chris Brown feat Jordin Sparks
3. Tattoo - Jordin Sparks
4. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
5. Lucky - Jason Mraz feat Colbie
6. Samson - Regina Spektor
7. Let it die - Fiest
8. Built to last - Melee (Ha, one hit wonder)
9. Blue and Yellow - The Used
10. What you believe in - Take That
11. Nothing like you and i - The Perishers
12. I Try - Macy Gray
13. Save Me - Corinne May
14. Calling you - Blue October
15. Sway - Bic Runga
16. Beautiful Love - The Afters
17. Love - Keyshia Cole
18. Closer - Travis
19. Love is a Losing Game - Amy Winehouse
20. Make me Over - Lifehouse
21. The Heart of the Matter - India.Arie
22. Once Again - Frankie Jordan
23. Try - Nelly Furtado (been listening to this for 4 years now)
24. First Cut is the deepest - Sheryl Crow
25. Love Remains the Same - Gavin Rossdale
26. Sentimental Heart - She and Him
27. Better in Time - Leona Lewis


lucky number 27.
I do suspect thou, that these songs contribute to some of the nightmares i have - Too sorrowful.
and in a time like this, with the holidays, life is only joy and nothing else, so its bloody weird.
but oh well, Heartbreak songs are the ultimate best for long bus rides.


.

its irritating how i have to meet up with people that i-absolutely-don't-wanna-see.
like i woulden even wanna waste money having dinner with.YUCK
Like a certain XX who lives in her own bubble.
(its not an offense to bitch on one's own blog i suppose)

Bitching aside, Kick boxing lessons almost killed me.
im 19 and i can barely catch up with those 30-something career women/housewives who do mean kicks and punches.
talk about feeling like a loser (in a volleyball attire, the others were all GYM clothes equipped)

I did do an unexpected meet-up with...(drumrolls)



i think many won't believe what they are seeing.
I honestly thought she would be 'outta my life' since we've barely talked for over a year, much less say dinner?!
But it turned out.. somewhat relaxing.
we've moved off from the 'lets reminisce old times' and are all about issues.
No longer the as sticky as glue, but still friends.
sometimes life does give pleasant surprises.
i did doubt like hell, but doubt was dissolved with chemistry.
safe trip to UK, Bon Voyage.

Finger massager.

We Were (at my departure to HKG):



and now we are, again (all back):









a simple dinner for wendy ended up as a hardcore labour-intensive slumber night.

we completed Wii Rockband, all the way from scratch till the final act, in a matter of hours, and i mean 12 midnight to about 3.30pm the next day.

I thought it was destructive enough that i had a Wii in my house that constantly prompts me to create an 'accident' at home. (i slammed the damn controller on my TV in a moment of ...adrenaline rush)
I completely lost control with the drums but thankfully i managed with the bass and guitar, i have never played so much music in my entire life, needless to say i took a break from 4am onwards till 9am.

Carried on with 'raving rabbits' which totally ignite my passion of jumping around like a mad women. My two controllers shall join wendy's Wii soon.

all i can say is: HARDCORE



i need a finger massager