Keep Calm and Take a Breath.

Captured from San Juan.

What do I do with your heart.

Hello my childhood mentor, my sister, my best friend, my childhood sweetheart and my reflection,

I feel like you deserve my heart, for you have give yours to me, with no hesitation.
You throw yourself at me, even though you know im not your best bet. You believe in me.
You made me who I am today, well not 100% but a great deal. What can I do for you? For you are so good at working every aspect of your life, what is my value in your life?
I make you cry, countless times, and yet you trust me with all that you have, still? Do I deserve your love? I dont know how else to tell you how much I love you except that you are no longer in my life, you ARE my life. But you always tell me that my actions prove other wise. That it is not enough for me to say I love you, I have to show it to you. I'll work on it, still.

Split moment decisions.

Yes you were right, we'll need "guts and steel" in both of us to get through this.

Funny how the moment you showed me to the door was the moment I knew I did't want that door to exist.

Assurance.

I need to hear this one last time;
That you don't want me to run away. and perhaps we really need each other more than we think we do.

One last time, please.

Do you have any idea what you at proposing at all?

You've thrown me from one deep one to another, and as much as I understand that you are just being "fair" to me. I can't help but feel that I've already started to fall (tumbling would be the right word) into this rabbit hole of yours.

So you better hold on to me tight.

Jason is right.

"Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It's just that constant strangeness. I think it's a very real thing."

- Jason Schwartzman

The English Patient.

"Her life with others no longer interests him. He wants only her stalking beauty, her theatre of expressions. He wants the minute and secret reflection between them, the depth of field minimal, their foreignness intimate like two pages of a closed book."

"The new lover enters the habits of the other. Things are smashed, revealed in new light. That is done with nervous or tender sentences, although the heart is an organ of fire."

"You have to protect yourself from sadness. Sadness is very close to hate. Let me tell you this. This is the thing I learned. If you take in someone else's poison– thinking that you can cure them by sharing it– you will instead store in within you."


Michael Ondaatje.

I think I need you for reasons I don't know.

If I could bend your pain into something good
Make you a prouder man
If I could rough you up then save you with good luck
And show you hope again

Yamagata puts my feelings into words. Short succinct sentences, these lingering thoughts.