a moment for blogging.

there is no reason not to blog.
no reason at all.


if i could finish watching IL MARE, (the movie)
watched trailers for 'just my luck',
'click'
'sad love story'
my girl and i'
'daisy'
'my sunshine'
'My girl drama'
'i love kim sam soon drama'
'vineyard man'
'legend of the seven cutter' by the goong girl
....the list goes on.

i've listened to the MV for 4th time running now.
its by YUI of the GOONG, singing with his other half of the boyband UN.

there is no reason why i cant spare time to blog.


the slackerst job i've ever had in my entire life.
6 bucks per hour, just eat into that timeslot.

yes yes, politics and discrimination.
but money is still money.
thou i put happiness 1st.hahahas.

sitting at the recep is just different.
im in my own lil world, watching shows, emailing mummy...
every thing a person can possibily do at home-im getting paid to do that.

on the salesfloor, it IS unbearable.
but at recep, the only thing killing me is the air conditioner.
not humans, not some other jack-shit.
life can be cool and smooth.

i close my eyes to everything that is happening around me, and just slack.

i search and copy recipes, play games that will never end, plan the things i wanna do the next day...

.......


answering calls that barely need me to crack my head.

absolutely sweet.

....


dinner is going to be famous amous's blueberry muffin, HL milk and fruits.

YUM.cant wait.




take care b4 i freeze.

a lil shock.

my heart leaped.
not for joy, but in fear.



NOPE.i did not see the man of my dreams.


its doing of reception at ishop that scares me.

i was not at all polite to the big boss who called...
i transfered some guy to the wrong person...
its just bloody screwed.
no, no HAHAS, im serious, its screwed.


argh.
ARGH.
argh.
ARGH.



well. at least i get to watch joo ji hoon on u tube.ahahahahs

been there blogged that.

they say the reason for the feeling LOVE is due to a hormone.

a hormone that will rage and charge through your body for 2 years, max 4.

this is how they define love in biological and kim sumsoon theory.

.........


like everything beautiful in life, (YES, im saying love is a beautiful thing.)

its lifespan is kinda short huhs.

i think im blabbering non-stop about this lovey shit cos im short of maternal love.

HAHAS.i believe that is not bullshit.



..........




talked to keat just now.
she went out with ms perfect(xy), without me.
yes i know, i was having tuition, and that i've always got weird timeslots..
sometimes i think i dun fit in their circle no more.
sometimes i doubt, i think, i doubt, and i complain.

random: omg..that guy is kissing kim sansoon! hahas.

yes, doubt, i doubt so much.
this friendship has been put to the test so many times.
most of the time, we dont clear the barrier, we just bury it deep in our hearts.
and worst comes to worst, someone always conpromise and apologise, even if she's not in the wrong.

and yes, i was like HUH when i heard they went out.
it was like i asked both of them out, then in the end, both like cant...
and in the end, they went out tgt.
just cos their timeslots din suit mine.yest again.
i feel PS-ED.seriously.
i know i know, big girls dont whine about this kinda shit.
but other than SIZE, what makes u think im a big girl?

i feel so bothered by this.
i even wonder if im pms-ing or is tis really the truth.
is this how reality looks like?
reality for the three of us? for me?

im always leaving early when i meet them.
i never have a full day planned out just for them.
do i not? or they just cant see?
why cant we meet for short lunches and catch short glimpses of each other?
why must we ALWAYS ALWAYS AlWAYS go for long shopping trips that hardly hold any meaning for me.
dont talk about conpromising.
im sick of it, been there done that.

why cant i not be affected by all this.


im seriously in need of korea drama to calm me down.

i wanna run away, to a foreign land, to rejuvenate, to heal, to scream and laugh like im mad.


is it an illness.can i get it heal.im sick of feeling so wrong all the time.








TC.

school sick.

work didt start with a 'bang'.
it didnt start gloriously, it started coldly.
as in the temperature.

sales isnt smtg i suck at, but its so foreign to sell white color machines.


spacious envirroment only seem to inject more fear.

almost like im being monitored every hour.

and the uniform thingy is plain bullshit.
not that i wanna say: but its PLAIN BULLSHIT.

..................................


i cleaned the floor today, and did things that mum would do if she's in spore.

she's working real hard over there, its just not her usual lifestyle.

accounting just aint that easy after all.hahas.

she's almost like my lover now.

we sms 24/7, make calls to each other at nite.

makes her feel less far away.

...................................



recently, i've been less patient.
can see that from my post, which are segmented.
very short and brief.
i accidentally start screming at dad at times.
but then it seems.. dad understands.
he scolds me for my bloody temper, but conpromises with me.


im indulging in a couple of things.
A. Goong as usual.
B. Subway, new found fav food.
C. korean stuffs, i get excited when i hear pple speaking korean.
and i get pissed when i jus cant seem to understand it.
never liked language barriers, so hard to bear.
D. i really dun mind doing the mahjong thingy.




....................



im still waiting for the bloody OST to arrive in singapore.

but well, the thing about waiting for SOMETHING is that it just makes days easier to pass.
one step nearer to the next killer sem i know.

DAMN FRGGIN SHIT.
i knoww people nowadays, esp adults, they dont give a damn to teachers.
but teacher's day is important to me.
like big time man.
why do i hae to work on that bloody day.
why why wwhy why why why.
i wanna go back too yea, i haven steepped into UNITY since ....has been half a year lahs.
im forever lookign at secondary school kids and envying them.

can i have a bit of my past back?
just a lil bit?





take care.THE SCHOOL SICK.

TELL ME MORE.

what am i waiting for?
(perhapes prince not-so-charming, charming. HAHAs.)

NOPE.

it's the tv commercial . (im watching kim samsoon on ch U!)

.........................

im waiting for that change in me.

that change to bee changed back.

have been honestly too caught up with being too obsessed with weight and mum.

weight issues constantly bother me and keat, adding on, there are always the pressure from one of OUR DEAREST going-to-be-blown-away best friend.( loud coughs).

i guess being obsessed, for example, thee more u think abt weight, the heavier i get.
well, so kick it in the ass.

met my ddearest going-to-be-blown-away best friend, she handed me my birthday present.
it was amazingly combined.
for once, we walked around and talked alt.
i draged her to the supermarket at ISEtAN and we had fun there.
she seem to be morph back into the girl i knew about 4 years back.
that oridinary girl with the smile that could melt thousands.

...........................




My current obsession.notice how the tallest guy in black hair looks almost digitalised? i mean..ok, such good looking peeoplee exist.HAHAS.

......................


having been living in comfortness, but not highness.
slack slack slack.chill chill chill.
when we reach the peak of life, it can only starts going downhill.



i always believe in that.




take care.for there's jus no one else to take care of u.

i will survive

mum left fp greener pastures.
well, in her dictionary, if you count.

she din leave with a bang, only mee and dad sent her to the airport.
Bro had school.

i've never spent so much tiime in the airport, alone.
4 hours,wandering, alone.
enjoying chill-out time, savouring peace, trying to deflect loneliness.
how simple it was to spend a day.

went home and and GOONG on the sofa.
mum wasnt beside mee no more.
i had to let her go.

i mean, mum is HUMAN
HUMANS have a purpose in life.
mum's PURPOSE is not to take care of housework and us.
she has her own LIFE to lead.
and there she goes...


........................



i want to know the origins of manjong.
it is absolutlely amazing.
cures almost everything.

but yes, when manjong and korean dramas come togeether...
it just makes my lifestyle an 'auntie' lifestyle.
but well, WORK is starting.
APPLE APPLE APPLE APPLE.
have i not had enough?
i doubt so.
new job with is highly linked to APPLE.



....................



i cant get enough of goong.
shh...but im not saying out loud.
addictions can be kicked, just super slowwly k.
i still love it, but i realised that friends are perhapes the most thing.
dramas dont keep you going and make u laugh, friends do.
friends that feel almost like family.
they do the trick.




..................



adapting to a new lifestyle.

a home without the core of its body.

a home filled with mess and clothes.

hahas.

it's amazing im surviving.

and i'll keep surviving.

just giv me friends, majong, drama and food.


i will survive.




take good care.

NO MORE.

XINYU once told me tat whenever i feel like crying,
i should look into the bright lights, so my tears won't come out.


she's sick.
no time for one last movie together.
no time for one last shopping trip together.


i guess its a matter of letting go and accepting the fact tat everybody has got a life to lead.
Mum has been living in my shadows for awhile now, pampering me, clearing up after me.
it's time she lived for herself.
for what she wants.

i wonder what it'll be like to return to a quiet house.
Mum wont be screaming loudly for me to clear up this and that.
Mum wont be calling out loudly for me to have dinner.
to sleep early, to not stress.

i wont get home and see the TV switched on.
no korean dramas will be playing on the tv.
She wont be sharing with me the lastest plot, gossips.

No one to buy the i-weekly.
No one to tell me about current happenings, i might just have to start reading newspapers.
No one to cook me my fave dishes wwhen i have cravings.
No more breakfast in the morning.
No more home-cooked dinner waiting for me on the dining table.
No more nice soup.

and also.
No more of anyone taking her for granted.





is it over-reliance?
it it over-dependence?
or is it love taken for granted?


i have no answers to all of that.



jus leave me alone, to think for myself, to think for that women i have taken for granted.




take care tong.

forbidden dreams.

forbbiden city, the musical.

i know she'll like to watch it, with me.

and i'll like to watch it , with her.

i wanted to surprise her with tickets forr thee afteernoon shows.
i even decided it wwould bee tuesday afternoon.

60 over bucks.
think i can save it.
she wont be here to watch it anyway.


hahas.






---------------------------




having so much fun wiith cheesecakes.
having so lil fun with projects.

i dreamt of A for writcomm.
bloody hell, u know howw dreams alwas go the other way,
hahahas.


better work hard man.
iff not die!




tc

swallow me whole.

vulnerable.

tired.

unfocused.


probably, this is what i feel everyday.

mum's flight has been confirm.

she has been packing.

i barely see her cos im always in school.

deadline of radio assignment/ proposal collides with mum's departure.

past 2 weeks has been a breeze, we sit beside each other and watch GOONG together.

Time flies, its coming nearer and nearer.









sometimes i wonder.
how am i gonna cope.
with unbreatheble 2m swimming pool-like assignments , and emotional detachments.

when i get home late at nite, who's gonna be waiting for me on the sofa?
probably pitch blackness.





tc.

growing trend.

169cm.
am i considered tall?

well.shamelessly.i'll probably say im kinda tall.
well, i use to be pretty happy with my height.
i used to wanna grow even taller.
those were the times man.
but i realised...
tall aint really that good.


not tat im too imaginative..
but i'll probably marry (if i even get married!) someone 1 or 2 cm taller.
kinda sad huh.
i mean judging by thee growing 'not-growing' height trend of singapore guys.
cant help but be in despair.


see, in shows(or rather dramas.) u see the short lil gals falling in to the arms of the BIG but not so big guy.
well.tat will never happen to me.
cos A. im just too BIG for it.
B. spore guys..average height is what? 170? HAHAS.
oooops.


i duno.its just a random post.
random complaint.



whooppee.


take care

may lady luck smile broadly at me.

i've been missing out on alot in life.
my current life.

im a loser.
my life in a box is really in a friggin box.
i cant believe im a slave for thee box.

when i see my friends.
im like always tired cos i;ve been 'slaving infront of the tv' .
im sorry FRIENDS.
like MS Cha and Ms Bing.ooooops.

i've been missing out on SO DAMN MUCH.
not only my personal relationships in terms of friendships...
my assignments are piling up up up.(sky-high-UP)
group work might seem easier, but it is SO NOT.
managing relationships, and yes, making effort to meet and work.
fitting different time frames into MY OWN timeframe.
it takes an amount of ..hmm..POWER to do it.
luckily for me.
my groups are working out just fine.

.................................................................

side-track.


life has changed in a way.
i've been meeting xinu and keat so much more than i have ever been since i finished Os.
its a warm fuzzy feeling eh.
things might have changed here and there, but i guess theres no better time to adapt than NOW.
oohh la la.
in a way, making an effort really changes things GREATLY.
no kidding.

...................................................................


more cheesecake sessions, just for speech.
it might be an excuse.
to drive me away from guilt/body mass/self-esteem.
some how, it all links.
we've FRIDGED a sweet ovaltine-crusted cheesecake.
defintely a success.
and now..are we gona make MORE?
actually.i cant wait.
hahas.
IN THE NAME OF SPEECH...(eh! 30% leh.)





take care.
may lady luck smile broadly at me.