Meet me by the water (if any)

The recess week is not as good as it should be.
I'm pretty much bogged down with random stuff
The new book I've so excitedly purchased from Kino lies untouched.

and everyday I'm re-living tales of the I'm messed-up-in-my-head.
Waking up at 3am in the morning because of some stranger in my dream is hardly a good dream.

The rest of the day will probably drift by Inch Chua and Rachael Yamagata's voices.

If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel -be be your love-

Aqueous oblivion
Caught in hazy vision,
Aqueous oblivion
Lost in the divine,
He's swimming in my mind. - aqueous oblivion -

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'Cause I think I might be right for you -meet me by the river-

.


Lyrics, so beautiful and unreal.

Friday Nights.

I haven had a "there's something to think about" MSN convo in awhile.
Last night with Mr Floppy, he said:

"you seem like the i'm single, proud of it, and guys can F-off type, not in a lesbian/butch way"

and then i start to wonder (for the whole day infact),

1) Is this what I want to project? - Frankly YES, this is really me.

2) Am I really THAT happy to be single? Perhaps YES, wanting to have someone is possibly a sign that i try too hard to fit into the norm. Isn't it better to be in control of your own time?

3) Am I really sending the signal that YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EGO AND FUCK OFF? unknowingly I think that is the signal. If his ego is too much for himself and the world, don't bother imposing it on me.

4) Proud of being single? Yes and No. Sometimes I'm actually ashamed of being single. Again it goes back to the idea of wanting to fit into that mould. But honestly from the bottom of my heart, I really just want an alternate voice in my world and a spot on a shoulder I can call mine.


Your thoughts?


Its really apt to apply the whole "Looking-glass Self" theory by Cooley.
Perhaps I become what I want people to think of me as, or rather, what I think people will think of me as.
Being tall can be awkward huh?

Friday afternoons

who are you
why are you here
why did we meet
where will we go
what is the consequence of our actions
how can I deal with this


Lunch was stressful, URBAN today was a good read.
While my heart weep, I decided to hang a smile on my face.

thank you for the kindness.

Blair and Chuck are in love and Chuck confessed his need for Blair.
Because we all have a softer side that no one else sees.
When you're in love all you have to do is lie quietly beside him, there's no need for a quick fuck.






We can dance like it's alright, but when day breaks, we all have to face the music.

Friday Mornings

Having time to blog, that's some kind of bliss.

Last night was JCRC investiture.
I had almost nothing to do with it, except that I'm with publications sub-comm and there's free food.
Ended up watching guys with mis-match ties and shirts and wishing that they made better choices.
Only 1 person didn't seem to have a wardrobe malfunction in my opinion.

Thursday (yesterday) was bliss embedded in every single hour.
It was highly anticipated day not only because exams would be over but I could execute a surprise (Having lunch with Chong!).
I did however, wished the night was a lil longer and memorable.

"a bag of songs and a heavy heart won't bring me down."

We were surprised by our head and asst head of Publications with a pretty distasteful mug, hand painted with with our names.
regardless, its really sweet of them.
See mine:





the moment i received it, a wave of warmth washed over me.
The rest of the time was just spent thinking that I had the best colour coordinated mug.
lets just say the others weren't as lucky.

//

"I'm scared to face another day
Cos the fear in me just won't go away.
In an instant, you were gone and I'm scared."

for a span of 10 mins, I also felt this way last night. why do people always walk out the door so easily?

//

and the night drifted to an end with a publications meeting, project runway, new friend from TV lounge, army talk, a hong kong romance movie with the lvl 5 bitches, doing laundry and a very long msn chat with Mr floppy.

The last part would be better explained in time to come.




My heart is resting at some kind of equilibrium, but not for long i know.

"Im a dreamer, a distant dreamer. Dreaming far away, from today" -
All lyrics: Duffy

Horoscope, again.

Reading this kills me:

Lau,Workplace romances and friendships are not good for you right now. You need to stay focused on productive work, on the daily chores. Don't let yourself get distracted by arguments over renovations or changes to the appearance of the places you work in.


BTW, this is my horoscope for today.
LIKE...STAY FOCUS?! LIKE HOW HOW HOW! someone teach me how to make learning a wonderful process.

Im not leaving for home.

Im feeling "choppy" today. like everything i feel comes in segments.
What i want to do most is go to that photo exhibition with li bing.
I want to enrich my life.

Things no one will understand:

Go: Art hub in a hilltop town
become the accidental writer
Lets talk; and cancel all the noise pollution
Organic Honey, sweet but I wish for something sweeter
ART IS, a holistic approach to living life
SPF15 lippy does not make you fairer
fill me up with liquid gold
you diminished all signs of hunger
white paper and black lines
COM207, the bane of my existence
flourishing.


Factual:
I dreamt that i was setting fishes free in clear streams.
I wish I could revisit that frame with a notepad to take down all details.
Fish - they are not are eating are they?




I told you my mind is made up of segments.
We need a song for production Jilted.


PS: can you read this?

Do you agree?

Thank You.

You made food in canteen B more delicious.
Have you heard that laughter can heal souls? You've healed mine since week 1.

Have you found me?

I'm looking forward to feeling like this, are you?







Credit: lelove.blogspot/fffound

at 5.49PM.

Falling for all the wrong type of guys and having to deal with all that insecurity.

Writing.

10,000 hours of practising = makes you a pro in doing something = near perfection = Malcom Gladwell.
Writing?

Writing makes me feel at home. The only solace in this very terribly noisy world (yes, i occasionally contribute to that noise pollution too).

I don't like twitter. why limit thoughts and why limit writing?
I don't like this FAST generation. I don't like impatience and I don't understand why people don't take time to read, write and feel for a piece of writing.
I don't like writing news, most of the time I don't feel for the story and I have to force myself to feel for it so I can write it.
But nonetheless it's writing, I find it 'acceptable'.

I like writing. I like typing. I like observing and penning down my thoughts.
I like rainy days, hot chai lattes, clean reporters notebooks and a cheap ball point pens.
I like having all of those things all at once so I can record my thoughts.
I like scribbling and I love moments on the public transport when I'm struggling and trying to decipher even my own handwriting.

I love writing love stories in my head.
I love shoving those love stories into a drawer in my heart, in which i keep the possibility/fire/image of love alive.
I love fridays, because i get to write "TGIF" to people.

Thank God it's Friday and blogger tolerates my rubbish.





That's the room i've been living in.
it has been 5 weeks and I really ought to decorate the room so I can truly call it MINE.


TGIF and Sep 11 was a sad day 8 years ago and it remains the case now.

You are here virtually

I always find the four of us a kind of weird combination.
Think of all the times we sat together having lunch, talking about weddings and celebrating birthdays.
Sandy's picture is always in my room, and the birthday present wendy bought for me has been travelling with me, from NUS to NTU hall.
Libing is constantly texting me.

And i bet, yes i bet with all my heart, we all miss those times in Ngee Ann/Holland/Sixth Ave.



- TGIF

Lifehouse did not sing "broken" for no reason.

being in love hurts (sometimes) and being out of love hurts (sometimes).
I re-read time traveller's wife over the weekends - thus the overwhelming pessimistic emotions.

Hall 9 Publications Comm

My horoscope on facebook says:

Lau,
You will be the centre of attention today. You have opportunities to make friends, unexpected social encounters that boost your self-esteem and connect you in lasting ways to other people. You may hear some good news about a deal or legal agreement.

///

I think it was right for ONCE. I got into PUBLICATIONS COMM.
I re-ignite the fire of lost friendships.
Honestly, I hope it'll be the reason I want to stay in hall, or make me at least look forward to spending Sunday nights in hall.

IVY league.

I've always set my sights at attainable levels.
My uncles/aunts and even Ms Suasanne Chan and I have discussed about Ivy League.
Ivy League as 'the great eight', but never as "yea, maybe I could try for it".

It seems like such a distant illusion, as if it never existed in my world and I was just contented with local universities.
I set the boundaries and shut the thoughts of any distractions, focusing solely on NUS and NTU.

These days I've been reading and watching American-centric novels/articles/dramas.
And I wonder...why can't it be Yale, Princeton, Dartmouth or Cornell? SAT? why did I decide not to pursue it?
Why did I never plan ahead for a future that holds even more than I think I can handle.
Why did I never set my sights far?
Graduates from these schools are highly sought after for their academic excellence, interaction with the best in the field and reputable portfolio. Why did i never think far enough?

Im just wondering.

For now, Im just hoping to do a campus tour and step into these campuses.

- Today, I pity myself for my lack of vision. And yet, while climbing up 7 storeys to my room in the hall, I stopped to enjoy a breeze that blew the hair from my face, knowing how lucky I am to be living this life. Everyday my thoughts contradict.

Singing in the rain.

I've always loved (am still loving) the idea of attempting something I'm not good at.
The idea that I will improved just a little bit after trying, makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

I love writing simply because I'm not good at it and I want to get better.
I love volleyball for the exact same reasons.

A particular friend of mine, well, I'd like to think we got to know each other better after arguments and arguments (and a little coffee here and there). She's living proof that I might be bad at what i'm doing (being a good friend), but I keep trying and Im (hopefully getting better seriously) better.

- conceived in the shower.