calling for helpless.

so a 4 man(or rather women)project became me, myself and i doing it.
with the help of sandy.

so if we were gonna screw up, like i think we would,its probably my fault, yet not really my fault. i've had enough of this kind of retarded leeching going on since year 1.

I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER FELT SO FUCKING HELPLESS IN MY WHOLE , ALMOST TWO YEARS, IN MCM.
my brother walked in and i just cried.
like i duno what the fuck is going on AT ALL, and the numbers, well, none of them made sense to me despite me trying, for the past two days to understand what they mean.Significance? fuck. ANOVA? fuck. Frequency? fuck. Mean? fuck.

i read the whole chapter on text, and all the notes.
and i just felt like the stupiest dumbfuck on earth.

so after many hours of constant struggling, i decided to give up and do it my own way according to my own understanding. i mean, what could be worst right, i already did the ALL the other questions.Die, then ALL die together.

i cannot possibly emphasis, reiterate of even nag about the importance of EFFICIENT group mates.


for 1 hour, i felt like i was a timebomb (and i really wanted to be one!) so i can go to school tmr and blast at everyone.

as if life could not get worst, my charger is officially dying. like spoilt.
mental note: call up diversitec tmr.



and yes, if by hook or by crook i end up a media researcher, i swear it is only because my future husband is in it too.

monday morning.

i wish i was Delilah.

...


i dreamt of ziggy soh.
trust me, its not him that is scary, its the whole advert saga.
i can feel that he is really helping us, subtle-ly.
and i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
i will not continue advert in year 3 because advert is advert.
but if i ever will, i think it will be because of ziggy soh.

right now.
feels like im holding on to this really thin thread and its gonna break any moment.
its just an analogy of my current state of mind.
and i believe many fellow mates feel exactly the same.(like D-U-H!)

but honestly, to give up at this point of time,
i will just be a huge ass loser who will never be able to look into the light again.


...


im starting to pray very hard (and work very hard too) that i will get to go overseas to continue to study.
i am just not prepared to step out in the workforce yet, mentally.
i want to be so much better prepared.

i dont think NTU/BUS/SMU will do any good to me, unless im going for business courses.
getting in is another problem.
Going to the US will be good i think.
polishing up my english will do me good.
refining my writing skills will be hard, but challenging enough for me to want to do it.


lets see how it goes.


...

speaking of graduating.
i miss these two women who are graduating really soon.
like i miss them, i dont even know how to go about saying it.
every time i think of them, there is this warm fuzzy feeling that runs through me.
talk about affinity.






oh my lovely ladies.sighs.

...


its 9.39am on a monday morning.
im in school, trying to figure out what MRM is really about.
and i drowned in blogger instead.

THIS IS SCARY.

Believing that awfully handsome vampires do actually exist, thanks to Stephenie Meyer.
Hooked on the whole Twilight saga, its hard to move on.

The realness of it all.

been thinking about this week alot, like random happenings.

Top on my list is how i went about introducing my teammates wrongly, i swear their minds were going 'what kind of fucking AD are you!!!???!!'.
ya, i really wanted to punch myself silly.

i think on two particluar days, well,
perhaps i did act abit weird.
and i hate to admit it, abit curel.

Hui recently mentioned that i had taken a liking to calling everyone 'weird'.
well, its true.
Cause my brother said the exact same thing a week ago.

i know this sounds all too weird, but i actually went to watch my brother play in a match.
well, i promised him i would do so a year ago.HAHA.
so much so for being efficient.

Love Journal

random journal i found online.

...

So i was just writing this article about making a 'Love Journal'.
well, laugh all you can, but its for my school magazine.
the randomest topic i have ever written about in my whole entire life.

but im truly very inspired by my own piece.
so inspired that i think i will embark on a journey to do another journal.
i know i haven been saying this for ages, but i still had to mention it, if i had a boyfriend, yea.
making a journal together will be fun.
in my mind now, i can already picture someone who will embark on this project with me.
HAHA!
gotta go hound someone for pictures we took together.

had a call from the editor yesterday, all the way from HK.
if i had known it was something like a phone interview, i would had better prepared myself.
i sounded like a bloody fool while on the phone.
shame on tong!

can't cry over spilled milk.OOPS.

Cute love journal i found online:

one thing.

went for a steamboat dinner awhile ago.
spending money on food is always the best solution after a long day of shopping.

i miss going for steak with my mum,
come to think of it.
before i can even spend time with her, im flying off to hong kong.
lol, life and its many twists and turns.

well, back to steamboating.
we went to 'tian tian' the so-called famous one.
well, the soup was awfully good, they CLAIMED it was msg-less..
but i woke up at 3am in the morning lusting for water.
so, well, you get the point.

it was like steamboat buffet, so naturally, i gorged myself silly.
but i think chong li bing gorged herself sillier than me!
HAHA, that girl has stamina man, i swear!

and we both left tian tian feeling very contented.










life is still good.
when food, friendship and relationships come together.


...





ah, yes yes i forgot to add.
open house turned out good.
im so proud of the year 1s.
and every one who did their best to help while we were running about like crazy people.
i guess we (fmsa) still pass for managing skills.


...

eyeliner.

Ah, i finally did something exciting.
i FINALLY got the eye liner that i have been looking for the last 2 months.
K-Palette!
great slim liquid eyeliner brush!




like WOW WOW.
i've checked, its made in JAPAN!
no more china product scare.



so anyway i really need to trim my eyebrow.
but that aside, wow, the brush was really fun.
ah, with some training, i think i'll be able to do the prada eyeliner thing soon.LOLS.



ok, i could even like draw my inner lids without much problem!
whoosh.

oh well, this post shows how i've really gone nuts.
too much work too little fun.




...

240.

Fear.
the world that rips my guts out.
3 days in a role, i swear u had better stop appearing in front of me suddenly.
im freaked out.
i wished i had a body guard.
im on my toes all the time.
i swear its not just me thinking too much.

...

did i mention,
i love FMSA.

239.

leave me alone.
when you do that to me,
it's almost as if i should anticipate a further contact point.
you belong in the heart of another.

238

im on the verge of venturing out alone to have things done my way.
but now im back to Square one.


its these little things that kill me, and yet heighten my insecurities towards you.

237 - for company.

i never expected this to ever happen.
Kenneth and i are going to HK together!

there is this over-flowing pool of emotions bursting within me.
a part of me wants to jump in joy,
yes indeed my mum will not be there but the forces above gave me kenneth for company.
as much as i am a loner, yes a super loner, having company in a strange land is bliss, for now.

i cant explain how much i want to jump up and scream,
go about telling the world ' WE ARE GOIN TO CONQUER HONG KONG'.
well, not exactly conquer but we in this together.

starting life anew somewhere with company,
i cant say it was what i originally wanted, i wanted time alone, away from everyone i knew,
away from my home, away from everyone i ever felt a single emotion for, away from everything that i was forced to take a responsibility for, and just see my mum's face every now and then.

that was what i wanted.
but i guess with kenneth, its for the best.

i cant wait to start writing, start getting slammed (like how sng does it)
how does it feel?
cant wait to end advertising.

but i will miss keat ying very much.
Xin yu will need me.
brother will want to drink the milo i make.
but dad, i dont want to miss my dad.



for now, whirlwind thoughts of HK tempt me.

236 - a moment to remember

since when did i start leaving my ipod with empty battery so i have an opportunity to sleep peacefully on the bus.
that aside, here goes.

My HK/China/Macau trip at a glance.














those were the times.

it's a wrap.

new year resolutions are utterly useless in my case.

i make new years resolutions and i break them, all the time.

thus i end up unearthing new year resolutions from years ago for a good laugh.

i just want to give thanks to 2007, however good/rotten it might be.

PLEASE let good luck roll in like bundles of fresh air.