Before I forget, let me run thru some moments that truly defined my birthday:
1. Baker added 1.5kg to my cake without charging extra (I paid for 2kg, she gave me 3.5kg). She told me "have a great 21, welcome to adulthood!".
2. Friends turning up with their quotes.
3. Friends walking around the party venue, reading the quotes (HURRAY!).
4. Friends turning up despite their busy schedule (assignments, from other parties etc)
5. Friends telling me "yeah I like the -if i were a book - tag/ quote book idea"
6. My scribble board, where eveyone wrote the lamest and cutest things.
7. My mum, who went around scaring all my friends.
8. My dad, who despite being very afraid of XY, gave her a big hug.LOL TAN TIO.
9. Playing silly drinking games with the loser buying fries and licking mayo.
10. CUTE ANGMOH DJ played OASIS's WONDERWALL for me, on request. FUCKYEAH HAPPY.
11. Seeing people who I think about constantly, honestly.
More moments to share.
Lemme get around to sharing the moments that stunned and shocked me when I was doing present-opening, soon soon.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
OCC Media Conference 3
"Choreographing the youth mix" - Media Conf 3.
2 big conferences down, 6 more in the pipeline.
Weekly media briefings, and impossible deadlines.
I'm kinda glad my birthday falls on this weekend, any later I'll be spending my birthday in Mandai Hill Camp.
The idea that all my hard work is fronted by the official body still sucks.
But there is some unknown comfort in knowing that you bother fronting my work because it's good.
fuckyeah, practice makes perfect.
Pleasant surprises came in the form of 2 job offers this week.
Life is not all rosy, but I'm glad sometimes (even if it's just a passing remark), I am appreciated.
We all struggle, don't we.
I choose the publicity route knowing it is all about sowing the seeds and getting to see them grow.
It's all about the "behind the scenes" work that results in a spectacular display of neon lights.
We may fade into the darkness, but let not those we have pushed into the glorious day be forgotten.
But sometimes, I have to admit, I bask in the joy of being able to enjoy just ONE speck of light.
2 big conferences down, 6 more in the pipeline.
Weekly media briefings, and impossible deadlines.
I'm kinda glad my birthday falls on this weekend, any later I'll be spending my birthday in Mandai Hill Camp.
The idea that all my hard work is fronted by the official body still sucks.
But there is some unknown comfort in knowing that you bother fronting my work because it's good.
fuckyeah, practice makes perfect.
Pleasant surprises came in the form of 2 job offers this week.
Life is not all rosy, but I'm glad sometimes (even if it's just a passing remark), I am appreciated.
We all struggle, don't we.
I choose the publicity route knowing it is all about sowing the seeds and getting to see them grow.
It's all about the "behind the scenes" work that results in a spectacular display of neon lights.
We may fade into the darkness, but let not those we have pushed into the glorious day be forgotten.
But sometimes, I have to admit, I bask in the joy of being able to enjoy just ONE speck of light.
We chase away no one.
What hurts the most is that I never demanded.
And when I finally did, you set my heart on fire.
And when I finally did, you set my heart on fire.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Happy Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day.
Brother and I prepared:
- Portrait of dad done by brother
- Artillery Tee (sentimental reasons..since dad is chasing his "lost youth")
- Handmade card x2
-A 6-course Thai meal at our secret hangout (Mum, Dad, Bro and I)
Brother and I prepared:
- Portrait of dad done by brother
- Artillery Tee (sentimental reasons..since dad is chasing his "lost youth")
- Handmade card x2
-A 6-course Thai meal at our secret hangout (Mum, Dad, Bro and I)
Selfish.
Is it selfish of me to be craving for your company? To be demanding for your time (failed attempts), when I've almost never been there for you when you needed me?
Can i really bear to let you fade away?
At the end of your travels, will you come back to me?
What keeps you with me, yet away from me?
For three people insignificantly important human beings in my life.
I want to keep you near, yet sometimes I dont know how.
Can i really bear to let you fade away?
At the end of your travels, will you come back to me?
What keeps you with me, yet away from me?
For three people insignificantly important human beings in my life.
I want to keep you near, yet sometimes I dont know how.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Voices in my head, voices in the water, and out.
Words don't come out right.
I tried to say it, oh, so right.
I hope you understand my meaning.
Hey, it's me again.
I'm so in love with you again.
Please, can I see you ev'ry day?
You didn't know what you were looking for
'Till you heard the voices in your ear.
You didn't know what you were looking for
'Till you heard the voices in your ear.
I remember ev'ry word you said. (Word you said.)
I remember voices in my head. (In my head.)
I remember ev'ry word you said. (Word you said.)
- "Voices", CHEAP TRICK
Today my body bears the pain that should otherwise have been inflicted on the heart.
Cable-skii-ing (the shoulder is in A&E LOL) took over the usual coffee and books.
The amount of ferocious concentration needed for balance on water is almost impossible for me, while others do it as easy as a wave of a hand, I struggle. But this is not a futile struggle. As my mind works to overcome the difficulties, my body works on co-ordination issues. That means I have less time to paddle into/through my canal of lovelorn moments. During the breaks between each ride, I let my thoughts roam back to X. Today is holiday I thought, I deserved to be unarmed, my heart should be free to think about whoever she wishes to - and so I did. It's not a lapse in security on my part, more of a chance to see how strong this flame still burns within me. The day is almost complete and I dare to say, the flame is burning, but it's also dying, for no one is willing to take a chance, break the silence and risk crossing the boundaries to keep it ignited.
I thought if I sang my song loud enough one day you'll hear it, looks like you didn't.
I thought my interest in your life should make you gain interest in mine, but nah.
I thought my presence was weak, so I boost it in everyway I thought was normal enough for you, guess it backfired.
I thought I could be of help to you, well, this one I'm unsure of your take on it.
I think I thought about too much things and overexerted the idea of who I really am infront of you.
Maybe you ought to leave the thinking to me and just do whatever you feel like doing, so I can bury my heart with grace.
I tried to say it, oh, so right.
I hope you understand my meaning.
Hey, it's me again.
I'm so in love with you again.
Please, can I see you ev'ry day?
You didn't know what you were looking for
'Till you heard the voices in your ear.
You didn't know what you were looking for
'Till you heard the voices in your ear.
I remember ev'ry word you said. (Word you said.)
I remember voices in my head. (In my head.)
I remember ev'ry word you said. (Word you said.)
- "Voices", CHEAP TRICK
Today my body bears the pain that should otherwise have been inflicted on the heart.
Cable-skii-ing (the shoulder is in A&E LOL) took over the usual coffee and books.
The amount of ferocious concentration needed for balance on water is almost impossible for me, while others do it as easy as a wave of a hand, I struggle. But this is not a futile struggle. As my mind works to overcome the difficulties, my body works on co-ordination issues. That means I have less time to paddle into/through my canal of lovelorn moments. During the breaks between each ride, I let my thoughts roam back to X. Today is holiday I thought, I deserved to be unarmed, my heart should be free to think about whoever she wishes to - and so I did. It's not a lapse in security on my part, more of a chance to see how strong this flame still burns within me. The day is almost complete and I dare to say, the flame is burning, but it's also dying, for no one is willing to take a chance, break the silence and risk crossing the boundaries to keep it ignited.
I thought if I sang my song loud enough one day you'll hear it, looks like you didn't.
I thought my interest in your life should make you gain interest in mine, but nah.
I thought my presence was weak, so I boost it in everyway I thought was normal enough for you, guess it backfired.
I thought I could be of help to you, well, this one I'm unsure of your take on it.
I think I thought about too much things and overexerted the idea of who I really am infront of you.
Maybe you ought to leave the thinking to me and just do whatever you feel like doing, so I can bury my heart with grace.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
We walk alone.
My blood boils.
The thought of you and your constant statements about your ability to live and be alone, without friends. Is this still the case? Where do I stand in your space? Our lives are very detached, but I have been trying to pull you back into my life. I have requested for your company so many times that I no longer want to try. A simple thought of having you help out with my small birthday party seems impossible, unless I postpone my party to next year I guess.
All i need is a one-liner from you sometimes, a simple HOW ARE YOU. But that can be hard right? I cannot explain, I think we ought to do it face to face.
The thought of you and your constant statements about your ability to live and be alone, without friends. Is this still the case? Where do I stand in your space? Our lives are very detached, but I have been trying to pull you back into my life. I have requested for your company so many times that I no longer want to try. A simple thought of having you help out with my small birthday party seems impossible, unless I postpone my party to next year I guess.
All i need is a one-liner from you sometimes, a simple HOW ARE YOU. But that can be hard right? I cannot explain, I think we ought to do it face to face.
Romance is dead.
Romance is dead, and guess what, I'm not even upset.
Truly the case after a long dry spell.
And having to entertain (mostly because I subject myself to) potential-less acquaintances, (almost) strangers and other slime balls.
I've always "kept my options open", a success because I've gained a bunch of pretty tight guy-friends. The kind who understand that being "together" means endless bitching, flirting, hugs, talk-therapy - never in the romantic way. But keeping options open means alot of failed experiments too.
Having entered University was worst, I saw all my strangest friends getting attached (bad karma points x100,000) and for a moment, I actually toyed with the idea of me being too weird and unconventional for a relationship. To a certain extent I am, but that's another story altogether. Well, of course back then it was "seeking season" for me and everything seemed to spell POTENTIAL. I mean, I was pretty much mentally lonely (until I found fellow Tong and Chron), and taking 2 less modules compared to other students equated to having so much more free time to think about the nonsense I THOUGHT was plaguing my life. Of course that was stupid. I have since reevaluated my situation and am pursuing long lasting friendships above anything else.
This conversation made its way to my bestest friends and also my parents. The idea that romance has been buried for now and maybe for the years to come. Chances of revival in the next 2 months at least....NIL.
See lately, I saw this guy out of a variety of reasons. feeling that it was "obligatory" was one of them. To keep a long story short, he helped me with an interview and I got a decent grade for it. The main point is, he is trying to "father" me, being authoritative and all. Sending me facebook messages that suggests that I SHOULD DEAL WITH MY PRIVACY SETTINGS COS THE WORLD CAN SEE MY PHOTOS. So now what, I bought myself a new privacy protection scheme?
Honestly I can unconsciously stare at his ear while he talks, avoiding even eye contact.
For him, asking me out on dates are like making STATEMENTS. So its my fault that my job and life is too exciting for you? I make time to do things, I have my priorities. I bet his ego was the one who suggested that I dump my life to make time for him. Ah god knows, he might be reading this blog.
Another story was about how this strange acquaintance, in which we got to know each other at a random dinner, tried to know me in the STRANGEST way ever. Telling me he could cook and how we shared the same favorite novel. The worst thing was, when I first spoke to him and asked him if he reads, he sheepishly replied he did not. So how did we manage to share a favorite novel if HE DOES NOT READ?! The lies people spin in a matter of days.
These are just a few examples of the kind of people I meet that allows me to declare that ROMANCE IS DEAD.
It's strange, I always hope to meet some older reliable guy, and when I do, it turns out totally different from my expectations.
So I will continue to live with the idea that romance is dead, and that eyecandies are everywhere and so very unattainable. All these, are better than the idea of a romantic relationship. Spare me the pain and annoyance, I have other things to worry about, like picnics, driving and a quiet but meaningful birthday party that requires intensive planning.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter.
Truly the case after a long dry spell.
And having to entertain (mostly because I subject myself to) potential-less acquaintances, (almost) strangers and other slime balls.
I've always "kept my options open", a success because I've gained a bunch of pretty tight guy-friends. The kind who understand that being "together" means endless bitching, flirting, hugs, talk-therapy - never in the romantic way. But keeping options open means alot of failed experiments too.
Having entered University was worst, I saw all my strangest friends getting attached (bad karma points x100,000) and for a moment, I actually toyed with the idea of me being too weird and unconventional for a relationship. To a certain extent I am, but that's another story altogether. Well, of course back then it was "seeking season" for me and everything seemed to spell POTENTIAL. I mean, I was pretty much mentally lonely (until I found fellow Tong and Chron), and taking 2 less modules compared to other students equated to having so much more free time to think about the nonsense I THOUGHT was plaguing my life. Of course that was stupid. I have since reevaluated my situation and am pursuing long lasting friendships above anything else.
This conversation made its way to my bestest friends and also my parents. The idea that romance has been buried for now and maybe for the years to come. Chances of revival in the next 2 months at least....NIL.
See lately, I saw this guy out of a variety of reasons. feeling that it was "obligatory" was one of them. To keep a long story short, he helped me with an interview and I got a decent grade for it. The main point is, he is trying to "father" me, being authoritative and all. Sending me facebook messages that suggests that I SHOULD DEAL WITH MY PRIVACY SETTINGS COS THE WORLD CAN SEE MY PHOTOS. So now what, I bought myself a new privacy protection scheme?
Honestly I can unconsciously stare at his ear while he talks, avoiding even eye contact.
For him, asking me out on dates are like making STATEMENTS. So its my fault that my job and life is too exciting for you? I make time to do things, I have my priorities. I bet his ego was the one who suggested that I dump my life to make time for him. Ah god knows, he might be reading this blog.
Another story was about how this strange acquaintance, in which we got to know each other at a random dinner, tried to know me in the STRANGEST way ever. Telling me he could cook and how we shared the same favorite novel. The worst thing was, when I first spoke to him and asked him if he reads, he sheepishly replied he did not. So how did we manage to share a favorite novel if HE DOES NOT READ?! The lies people spin in a matter of days.
These are just a few examples of the kind of people I meet that allows me to declare that ROMANCE IS DEAD.
It's strange, I always hope to meet some older reliable guy, and when I do, it turns out totally different from my expectations.
So I will continue to live with the idea that romance is dead, and that eyecandies are everywhere and so very unattainable. All these, are better than the idea of a romantic relationship. Spare me the pain and annoyance, I have other things to worry about, like picnics, driving and a quiet but meaningful birthday party that requires intensive planning.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Changi and Cluny.
These photos are fond memories.
A sign that my youth is far from wasted, a tangible proof of things we do as teenagers.
A keepsake.
It's not the wildest things that keeps my soul excited, revitalised and relaxed, but the quiet and small things that take place from day to day. Things planned, things unplanned. Everything counts in such turbulent times.
This is our promise to each other, that we are the youth of tomorrow, geared with a smile, spontaneously and energy.
CHANGI SUPPER ROAD TRIP
from 11am to 5am
with Yuhan, Liling, Jieying. and virtual tze! :)
Sending Lee Dion off to the army.
from 12noon to 5pm
with Lee Dion
at Cluny Court and Serene Centre.
This photo is the story of our life. I wear this expression alot when we hang out.LOL
Despite being a firm believer that army can hardly change a guy, chong and I both hope, im sure, that Dion comes back same, but different. Oh well, he will understand.
A sign that my youth is far from wasted, a tangible proof of things we do as teenagers.
A keepsake.
It's not the wildest things that keeps my soul excited, revitalised and relaxed, but the quiet and small things that take place from day to day. Things planned, things unplanned. Everything counts in such turbulent times.
This is our promise to each other, that we are the youth of tomorrow, geared with a smile, spontaneously and energy.
CHANGI SUPPER ROAD TRIP
from 11am to 5am
with Yuhan, Liling, Jieying. and virtual tze! :)
Sending Lee Dion off to the army.
from 12noon to 5pm
with Lee Dion
at Cluny Court and Serene Centre.
This photo is the story of our life. I wear this expression alot when we hang out.LOL
Despite being a firm believer that army can hardly change a guy, chong and I both hope, im sure, that Dion comes back same, but different. Oh well, he will understand.
Nothing Original - just horoscope.
On Friday, don’t bet on the long shot. The sure thing may be a lot less, umm, exciting, but at least he won’t rip your heart into a million little pieces. Funny how your own commitmentphobia seems to sneak in. While it may masquerade as you being “done wrong,” the truth is, you keep falling for the unavailable types. Quite a convenient way to avoid the risk of being vulnerably close to another human being. Challenge yourself to sit still, when the Runaway Bride urge strikes…or sends you chasing after Mr. Oh So Wrong.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Change and Contradictions.
A recent change of mood led to a subtle change in hairstyle.
Lately I've been making physical changes after every small "milestone"
A ear hole here, highlights there.
All of them were spur moment decisions.
Yesterday marks the end of the first media brief since joining YOG's Show Committee.
The morning was a mad rush - they were changing the graphics used till the very last minute.
Luckily I had photoshop on my laptop, luckily we had someone who was a pro at it (My eyecandy!!!!)
Met many people, including a fellow course mate who is now a photographer with ST.
The biggest press conference I've worked on was a success.
Every Singapore print media, excluding magazines, reported it. (except shimin, wanbao of course)
My mouth functions on an impulsive basis.
Despite the amount of things I've said about the work process/environment and all, I managed to work it.
Not without the support of my fellow intern Ms Meow and the SAF guys.
But all those complains and thoughts of leaving that I had really contradicts with what I'm feeling now, all bliss.
I have a hard time deciphering how I really feel.
Then again, nothing is absolute and moments in time can change feelings and evoke new thoughts.
//
- Thank You Chong for the mixtape. I'm saving it for a rainy day :)
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