.........
a day in school.
i think we could do more, i think it might not be his mood.
i think we could improve, do more, improve.
i cant take it, i know its lame.
what's wrong with the script?
i know 'director' is just a name, a title,
but i feel responsible, it's not good enough, y haven i got the courage to spit it all out, instead of just saying mayb mayb mayb, that it would turn out aright.
it's just that the cast is ready, the location is ready and the equipments have been checked out.
i feel so screwed that i can curl up and die, but mummy's coming home.
that's cool.
............
had a pre xmas dinner with keat and xinyu
it pains my heart seeeing xinyu getting thinner, i've talked to her, make her eat, but i cant monitor her 24 hrs.
keat on the other hand can make me laugh like nuts, usual.
it started out bad, like with them obviously wanting to have NYDC rather then settle at claritys'.
i persuaded them to go for chicken ballotin they din seem to care n went for bake rice, so ya, turns oout i had the best meal.
and xinyu got cranky half way thru, and i tried my best to pamper n love.
there's a strange atmosphere that lingers, yet there's a familiarity that we've always had. its hard to describe.
i just want them to be happy.
i hear about their lives and it is so enriching, they HAVE A LIFE. they have plans, and im just there, taking baby steps. keat is going aussie, likely, for attachment, and she;s going to b on LIME! xinyu wants to start a business rite after sch. PLANS FOR THE future, but xinyu did say smtg that that kinda irritated me, i think im just sensitive and possessive. It was smtg about 'if she had the chance, she would go TP's mass comm', ok, sounds cool rite.i think it was the already lingering atmosphere + the way she said it.
we took a walk, shopped and did the usual stuffs. i cant get the past back into my life.
so it ends here, with feelings i cannt describe.
bless u girls.
......
sarcrifice.
how much does it take, how much will u give and how far will u go.
i ask myself that day after, and after interviewing melanie, it goes grows in me.
like it's seeded for forever more.
and the question is how far will u go , and what drives u to make those sarcfices.
sarcrifies for the self, it coould be for happiness, for wealth for health.
Sarcrifices for someone else, pushin someone off the road just b4 an accident, saving her life, risking urs.
these are sarcrifices, and i can never get them.
if its not spur moment, then iits probably for love, this is what i reckon.
..........
i cleaned the hse, clearing out dust and unwanted.
a major milestone was me throwing away 3 pairs of shoes, 4 actually, if the red one had been here.
.....
