eyeliner.

Ah, i finally did something exciting.
i FINALLY got the eye liner that i have been looking for the last 2 months.
K-Palette!
great slim liquid eyeliner brush!




like WOW WOW.
i've checked, its made in JAPAN!
no more china product scare.



so anyway i really need to trim my eyebrow.
but that aside, wow, the brush was really fun.
ah, with some training, i think i'll be able to do the prada eyeliner thing soon.LOLS.



ok, i could even like draw my inner lids without much problem!
whoosh.

oh well, this post shows how i've really gone nuts.
too much work too little fun.




...

240.

Fear.
the world that rips my guts out.
3 days in a role, i swear u had better stop appearing in front of me suddenly.
im freaked out.
i wished i had a body guard.
im on my toes all the time.
i swear its not just me thinking too much.

...

did i mention,
i love FMSA.

239.

leave me alone.
when you do that to me,
it's almost as if i should anticipate a further contact point.
you belong in the heart of another.

238

im on the verge of venturing out alone to have things done my way.
but now im back to Square one.


its these little things that kill me, and yet heighten my insecurities towards you.

237 - for company.

i never expected this to ever happen.
Kenneth and i are going to HK together!

there is this over-flowing pool of emotions bursting within me.
a part of me wants to jump in joy,
yes indeed my mum will not be there but the forces above gave me kenneth for company.
as much as i am a loner, yes a super loner, having company in a strange land is bliss, for now.

i cant explain how much i want to jump up and scream,
go about telling the world ' WE ARE GOIN TO CONQUER HONG KONG'.
well, not exactly conquer but we in this together.

starting life anew somewhere with company,
i cant say it was what i originally wanted, i wanted time alone, away from everyone i knew,
away from my home, away from everyone i ever felt a single emotion for, away from everything that i was forced to take a responsibility for, and just see my mum's face every now and then.

that was what i wanted.
but i guess with kenneth, its for the best.

i cant wait to start writing, start getting slammed (like how sng does it)
how does it feel?
cant wait to end advertising.

but i will miss keat ying very much.
Xin yu will need me.
brother will want to drink the milo i make.
but dad, i dont want to miss my dad.



for now, whirlwind thoughts of HK tempt me.

236 - a moment to remember

since when did i start leaving my ipod with empty battery so i have an opportunity to sleep peacefully on the bus.
that aside, here goes.

My HK/China/Macau trip at a glance.














those were the times.

it's a wrap.

new year resolutions are utterly useless in my case.

i make new years resolutions and i break them, all the time.

thus i end up unearthing new year resolutions from years ago for a good laugh.

i just want to give thanks to 2007, however good/rotten it might be.

PLEASE let good luck roll in like bundles of fresh air.

235

lucky number 235.

jet lag lasted for 3 days, god knows why.

I'm leaving for Hong Kong in roughly 3 months.

and after that its 5 months of learning, getting slammed and more learning.

its what i wished and prayed for day and night.

but its just too surreal at this moment.

shenzhen+zhuhai+macau+Hong Kong with the LAU family was cool.

234 - celebrations.

random things i have been doing.



with my new-found love of course.
HELLO IXUS 75, your huge 3.0 inch screen amazes me.

1stly, its the xmas potluck we planned from 2 million years ago.
alcohol was almost non-existence.
but celebration was hanging in the air, think 2 weeks holidays.

and i could not remember the last time i ate so much.

BING's time to shine.

good pasta + weird confessions.

The New Bing look.

Awwww. Classic face.

Post dinner activity!

and we tried in the best that we could, CHA and I , to celebrate chong bing bing's birthday. (early one).

and li bing got abit drunk. (OR SO IT SEEMS)

and that sums up the adventure of the happy trio.

...


Just before i fly off into neverland for xmas.

Merry Xmas THE world, spread the peace, joy and love.
(I cant wait for boxing day sale!)






HONG KONG BABY, Hongkie-licious.

233

Its Friday the 14th, the promised results has not reached me.

No one bothered to say anything to ease the uncertainties.

is dropping an email all that hard?


and then anxiety turns into fear and turns lastly to just blurrr.
so just what lies ahead in the not-too-distant future?








keep your eyes peeled and your ears opened.

232 - Shoes

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW.




so futuristic it blows my mind.
Whoosh.

i LIKE.


...

lets go forward in time, to reassure myself that i turn out fine.

231 - a dash of sunshine.

because,

you hold on to the change i'll like to have in my life.
and i'm not contented staying here.


..

LIONEL LEWIS IS GORGEOUS

of course he is that young and awfully tall dude!
YES I AM VERY VERY STAR-STRUCK!
OMG, TALL GUYS ARE LOVE!



Yayaya, him lor, the tall dude in adidas!



Group photo! bad lighting!



more group photo!



CTV, your coolest choice! 'C'!




wow, don't i look happy and blessed?

230

if you can't embrace me with the whole of your heart,
then don't embrace me at all.






you're so beautiful you burnt my heart.

229

i tried as much as i could to inject a dose of adrenaline into my life.
and all i could manage was a long long, extremely long phone call with Ang Keat Ying.

We conversed almost purely in chinese,
speaking of all the cheena-piangs we've come across, speaking of our own chinese heritage.
random things that not everyone can understand.
she's worried for her future, almost as much as i'm losing sleep over XXX.

eyecandies and everything beautiful.
stereotypes and everything hurtful. (for her and for me.)

angular-shaped faces as eyecandies and travelling, massive runaway travelling.

i wonder if we could make our conversation come true.

...


Bought brother's winter jacket.
i saw the most amazing brown jacket laced with a bit faux fur.
tried on random looking leopard printed boots.
yea, i felt almost like a tranny who is gonna get sued by PETA for having something to do with animals.

on a lighter note,
HK trip is less than 2 weeks away, and advert big idea is still on the loose.

oh keat, in case u wondered, this is the pic of you i put in my advert PPT:





And those are the bangs i inserted into my messy hair!





and life goes on as usual, with abit of fear lingering in my heart every now and then.








Tong is queen, and u'll never get her down.

228

the insomia spins on till next friday.
14th Dec 2007.


shave away my long hair, if it makes you happy.

227

Ms Margie OH Ms Margie.



your preference kills me.

226

there is this unbearable silence in my heart that prays for this week to be prolonged.








yes, i do have faith, but.

225

not yet, not so soon.
i dont wanna get ur call yet.
i dont know how its gonna be like.

224

i breathe in hope, every morning.

mundane

i cant remember.

when you said you would not be holding my hand anymore.



i stopped breathing for 10 seconds,
hoping the tears will go away.

heartbeat.

something in me is dying.
i'm putting it on life-support till friday.

issue XXX

Its Sunday again.

this week has once again been constipated to the core.
with two deadlines next week im beginning to lose the rhythm of breathing.

all i did on Sunday is to once again sleep throughout the day.
after one week of school, my body can hardly take it anymore.
when someone said i should go get a 9-5pm job, i took it as an insult but laughed it of.
alas, my body is not working well with me.


im dreading every sunday.

rest feels so limited.

chemistry.

been having a couple of supper nite out recently.
late nights and everlasting projects are really killing how i look like.


met up with the old school gang.
Bakerzin was holy sin, cakes are heavenised there, i swear.











there goes.
all the pictures, ugly or beautiful, its all up there.
till next time.

Entry #218

i don't want to know what you think.
its terrorising me, the way you try to control my everything.
and the way i knuckle under you.


the 'phang' of fearfulness disappeared today for the longest time ever.
i think it got sick of bugging me and went on a long vacation.

i don't want anything that you ever want.

non-stop hits.

for now, i just wanna be wordy.


My day was dried up boring, so boring that the only interesting thing i heard was:
" Plush Fools was a mistake"
HAHAHAHA, it was F-king funny, randomly funny.

i've been doing split-second blog hopping today.
mainly because time is not on my side.
of course, today was alil different, i only knocked on the doors of JC students.

reading ALL their entries about A levesl being over(most of my good friends in ARTS haver finished.)
Hui was talking about sitting infront of the TV watching herself silly.
and i thought: "WOW" that sounds rather fun.
look, i've been deprived of every other media other than the internet, which i mostly use for schoolwork.
so TV is rather enticing.

Saturday was a 'SUPPOSED' birthday celebration.
but i went out with XY's incompleted Birthday gift, so it was like DAMN.
Keat had the best buys of the day!
Shoes for $5 bucks, Blouses for $10.
i swear i would rope her into my 'find-bargains-club' and be the chairperson or something.
and then it was the long train ride home again where we get tangled into each others life.


..


life is mundane.
maybe even that is an understatement.
weird to say, i think i have problems living my life!
LIKE HELL BROKE LOOSE AND GOT CAUGHT UP WITH ME.
its misery.
i mean everyone is basically on the same boat, i get that.
on top of stress, the IBOOK G4 broke down and i almost killed myself (so glad its over)
and dealing with the human relationships if TOUGH.

for a fact,
i take people close/around me for granted.
of course im fucking pissed at myself for that.
but being angry at myself doesnt a single thing.
at least im blessed to have a reminder and jolly-'sandy' with me.

i had some updates for HK trip.
apparently they are a bunch of genderist people over there in the island of HK.
and they apparently prefer guys.
unless they get a girl who is fucking smart. (i need to emphasis 'FUCKING' smart.)
and prolly boring enough to not cause trouble.
the 2nd part i can manage, 1st one. HA.


anyway, i can't wait for this tragic sem to reach its mid-point so i can take off to hong kong and see mummy.

haven we been through this before.
dont go on and on and on.
for god's sake, use proper english.
reporting mundane stupid things.
im stuck in a fucking frustrated world,
yes i have absolutely no contacts and
no networking skills.
yes thank you, god has been fair,
to you to you and to you.
if you think you're fucking beautiful,
what do you fear?
u bask in compliments, stop lying.

GO GET GROPE.I BET YOU'LL FUCKING ENJOY IT.

i want a macbook, if it can solve all my problems.

i need a break, and after i finally got a well deserve break, this screws up.
it's almost as if i dont deserve that break.

cabbing has been a hobby this week.


FUCK MAC FUCK APPLE FUCK my ibook G4.

daybreak.

im not exactly having the blast of my life savng money.
i can hardly buy anything.
i've turned to fashion blogs for some kind of much-needed comfort.
and i normally leave the job to my over imaginative brain to produce that much-needed euphoria.

if only i could dress half as gorgeous as them.
JUST HOW DO THEY DO IT!


well taliored black dresses, coloured stockings, high-waist, sequin-shift dresses.
imagine imagine imagine.












...

i have decided to once again decide that...

i have to be the good daughter again.
mainly because i just to don't have that rebellious streak in me.

sighs.

and its really much better to have someone paying extensively for ALL your needs.
loser-ish really.

Hello decision.

im sitting with a pile of work.
and well, staring at a postcard saying 'Hong Kong'.

my heart skipped three beats.
..

random people ask me why im always saving (well, i cant say its for a rainy day right?! sounds nutty.)
well, the answer is, to travel.

i've made up my mind, (im near to packing my luggage) and i've convinced my parents.

there's a giggling sensation in me that pushes me to run along and be irrational.
and the safer side of me, its just gunning me down with ' what ifs...'

the outcome of being rejected will prolly be tougher than learning to live alone.

..

it took me just 3 minutes to convince Dad.
it was a feat, a milestone in my life, for frankly, he was my biggest barrier.

Mum was much more excited than i am (not a good sign.)
through out the 20 minutes phone call, she was blabbering a whole lot of lifestyle plans.

and i spaced out, i kept spacing out.
i caught myself thinking about the possibilities during TV production class today.
i caught myself smiling at the business traveller magazine.


right now, i have just gotta go get my resume and ranking form done.





and maybe, i'll fly in time to come.

1. Stop chewing on pineapple(s).

2. Start eating oily chee cheong fan with just strictly soy sauce.

3. Kick drama and fried chicken out of the diet.

4. Read alot of magazines.

5. devote all free time to sleep.


talk about a comprehensive working semester.

xoxo

whenever im at the world's end, stuck at the pits.
you give me strength in the words u say and the listening ear u give.

u dont know how precious you are just yet.
i only hope i can subtle-ly show it to u, without damaging who you are.

im still amaze at how u always pick the right words,
defining the core of my passion with such a simple sentence,
u seem to see right thru me, like how my mum does.

word of advice,
always pick malibu dream over anything else.

...

IBM is the world's top 20 semiconductor sales leader, and largest computer company.

so im proud of u too.

one nite out.

Thank god for people like YOU, YOU and YOU.
my very own bunch of super friends.





life is so much more colourful.

kick-ass sunshine.

i dont know what i've been doing lately.
everything seems to move auto-pilot style.


like how i avoid bumping into you.
how i come to work later and leave work on time.
how i hate to linger, except when i need books to fuel up my life.
how i say 'hello' and smile to everyone other than you.

and i guess nathaniel might still be a better name for my child next time(if i ever have one.)

...


mum came back to singapore three time last month.(it was fantastic!)

im listening to maroon 5's WAKE UP CALL, i know im a bit wayy behind.
but i just realised.
i need a wake-up-call perhaps.

reading travel narratives, finding spiritual enlightenment.
reading love essays.
searching for love in different corners of my life.
i beginning to feel that life seems a lil too drama-ish.
almost fiction literature.


went to NUH to visit rahila,
who had a 12cm jack fruit seed looking in-growth in her stomach removed.



reading the basic theory textbook everywhere i go.


i need to take some pictures to brighten up my day.


rants, boring rants.

sayonara.

i have decided that one of my greatest hobby is vanishing for awhile.

so good bye.
at least for awhile.





take care people!

gooodbye, forever.

the whole world seems to be on an internship.

im definitely not,

in fact im dealing with death and love and death and love.

one day i'll narrate the story.

i wonder if its alright to feel like that, so score like that.

i wished i could stay in Borders, for a long time, everyone is bloody nice.

i wished i knew when death strikes, i wished i played my part.

Helllo, goodbye, and i send you the love i've always stored in my heart for someone else.

take my love and leave with a touch of grace.

ah-leh-lu-ya.