231 - a dash of sunshine.

because,

you hold on to the change i'll like to have in my life.
and i'm not contented staying here.


..

LIONEL LEWIS IS GORGEOUS

of course he is that young and awfully tall dude!
YES I AM VERY VERY STAR-STRUCK!
OMG, TALL GUYS ARE LOVE!



Yayaya, him lor, the tall dude in adidas!



Group photo! bad lighting!



more group photo!



CTV, your coolest choice! 'C'!




wow, don't i look happy and blessed?

230

if you can't embrace me with the whole of your heart,
then don't embrace me at all.






you're so beautiful you burnt my heart.

229

i tried as much as i could to inject a dose of adrenaline into my life.
and all i could manage was a long long, extremely long phone call with Ang Keat Ying.

We conversed almost purely in chinese,
speaking of all the cheena-piangs we've come across, speaking of our own chinese heritage.
random things that not everyone can understand.
she's worried for her future, almost as much as i'm losing sleep over XXX.

eyecandies and everything beautiful.
stereotypes and everything hurtful. (for her and for me.)

angular-shaped faces as eyecandies and travelling, massive runaway travelling.

i wonder if we could make our conversation come true.

...


Bought brother's winter jacket.
i saw the most amazing brown jacket laced with a bit faux fur.
tried on random looking leopard printed boots.
yea, i felt almost like a tranny who is gonna get sued by PETA for having something to do with animals.

on a lighter note,
HK trip is less than 2 weeks away, and advert big idea is still on the loose.

oh keat, in case u wondered, this is the pic of you i put in my advert PPT:





And those are the bangs i inserted into my messy hair!





and life goes on as usual, with abit of fear lingering in my heart every now and then.








Tong is queen, and u'll never get her down.

228

the insomia spins on till next friday.
14th Dec 2007.


shave away my long hair, if it makes you happy.

227

Ms Margie OH Ms Margie.



your preference kills me.

226

there is this unbearable silence in my heart that prays for this week to be prolonged.








yes, i do have faith, but.

225

not yet, not so soon.
i dont wanna get ur call yet.
i dont know how its gonna be like.

224

i breathe in hope, every morning.

mundane

i cant remember.

when you said you would not be holding my hand anymore.



i stopped breathing for 10 seconds,
hoping the tears will go away.

heartbeat.

something in me is dying.
i'm putting it on life-support till friday.

issue XXX

Its Sunday again.

this week has once again been constipated to the core.
with two deadlines next week im beginning to lose the rhythm of breathing.

all i did on Sunday is to once again sleep throughout the day.
after one week of school, my body can hardly take it anymore.
when someone said i should go get a 9-5pm job, i took it as an insult but laughed it of.
alas, my body is not working well with me.


im dreading every sunday.

rest feels so limited.

chemistry.

been having a couple of supper nite out recently.
late nights and everlasting projects are really killing how i look like.


met up with the old school gang.
Bakerzin was holy sin, cakes are heavenised there, i swear.











there goes.
all the pictures, ugly or beautiful, its all up there.
till next time.

Entry #218

i don't want to know what you think.
its terrorising me, the way you try to control my everything.
and the way i knuckle under you.


the 'phang' of fearfulness disappeared today for the longest time ever.
i think it got sick of bugging me and went on a long vacation.

i don't want anything that you ever want.

non-stop hits.

for now, i just wanna be wordy.


My day was dried up boring, so boring that the only interesting thing i heard was:
" Plush Fools was a mistake"
HAHAHAHA, it was F-king funny, randomly funny.

i've been doing split-second blog hopping today.
mainly because time is not on my side.
of course, today was alil different, i only knocked on the doors of JC students.

reading ALL their entries about A levesl being over(most of my good friends in ARTS haver finished.)
Hui was talking about sitting infront of the TV watching herself silly.
and i thought: "WOW" that sounds rather fun.
look, i've been deprived of every other media other than the internet, which i mostly use for schoolwork.
so TV is rather enticing.

Saturday was a 'SUPPOSED' birthday celebration.
but i went out with XY's incompleted Birthday gift, so it was like DAMN.
Keat had the best buys of the day!
Shoes for $5 bucks, Blouses for $10.
i swear i would rope her into my 'find-bargains-club' and be the chairperson or something.
and then it was the long train ride home again where we get tangled into each others life.


..


life is mundane.
maybe even that is an understatement.
weird to say, i think i have problems living my life!
LIKE HELL BROKE LOOSE AND GOT CAUGHT UP WITH ME.
its misery.
i mean everyone is basically on the same boat, i get that.
on top of stress, the IBOOK G4 broke down and i almost killed myself (so glad its over)
and dealing with the human relationships if TOUGH.

for a fact,
i take people close/around me for granted.
of course im fucking pissed at myself for that.
but being angry at myself doesnt a single thing.
at least im blessed to have a reminder and jolly-'sandy' with me.

i had some updates for HK trip.
apparently they are a bunch of genderist people over there in the island of HK.
and they apparently prefer guys.
unless they get a girl who is fucking smart. (i need to emphasis 'FUCKING' smart.)
and prolly boring enough to not cause trouble.
the 2nd part i can manage, 1st one. HA.


anyway, i can't wait for this tragic sem to reach its mid-point so i can take off to hong kong and see mummy.

haven we been through this before.
dont go on and on and on.
for god's sake, use proper english.
reporting mundane stupid things.
im stuck in a fucking frustrated world,
yes i have absolutely no contacts and
no networking skills.
yes thank you, god has been fair,
to you to you and to you.
if you think you're fucking beautiful,
what do you fear?
u bask in compliments, stop lying.

GO GET GROPE.I BET YOU'LL FUCKING ENJOY IT.

i want a macbook, if it can solve all my problems.

i need a break, and after i finally got a well deserve break, this screws up.
it's almost as if i dont deserve that break.

cabbing has been a hobby this week.


FUCK MAC FUCK APPLE FUCK my ibook G4.

daybreak.

im not exactly having the blast of my life savng money.
i can hardly buy anything.
i've turned to fashion blogs for some kind of much-needed comfort.
and i normally leave the job to my over imaginative brain to produce that much-needed euphoria.

if only i could dress half as gorgeous as them.
JUST HOW DO THEY DO IT!


well taliored black dresses, coloured stockings, high-waist, sequin-shift dresses.
imagine imagine imagine.












...

i have decided to once again decide that...

i have to be the good daughter again.
mainly because i just to don't have that rebellious streak in me.

sighs.

and its really much better to have someone paying extensively for ALL your needs.
loser-ish really.

Hello decision.

im sitting with a pile of work.
and well, staring at a postcard saying 'Hong Kong'.

my heart skipped three beats.
..

random people ask me why im always saving (well, i cant say its for a rainy day right?! sounds nutty.)
well, the answer is, to travel.

i've made up my mind, (im near to packing my luggage) and i've convinced my parents.

there's a giggling sensation in me that pushes me to run along and be irrational.
and the safer side of me, its just gunning me down with ' what ifs...'

the outcome of being rejected will prolly be tougher than learning to live alone.

..

it took me just 3 minutes to convince Dad.
it was a feat, a milestone in my life, for frankly, he was my biggest barrier.

Mum was much more excited than i am (not a good sign.)
through out the 20 minutes phone call, she was blabbering a whole lot of lifestyle plans.

and i spaced out, i kept spacing out.
i caught myself thinking about the possibilities during TV production class today.
i caught myself smiling at the business traveller magazine.


right now, i have just gotta go get my resume and ranking form done.





and maybe, i'll fly in time to come.

1. Stop chewing on pineapple(s).

2. Start eating oily chee cheong fan with just strictly soy sauce.

3. Kick drama and fried chicken out of the diet.

4. Read alot of magazines.

5. devote all free time to sleep.


talk about a comprehensive working semester.

xoxo

whenever im at the world's end, stuck at the pits.
you give me strength in the words u say and the listening ear u give.

u dont know how precious you are just yet.
i only hope i can subtle-ly show it to u, without damaging who you are.

im still amaze at how u always pick the right words,
defining the core of my passion with such a simple sentence,
u seem to see right thru me, like how my mum does.

word of advice,
always pick malibu dream over anything else.

...

IBM is the world's top 20 semiconductor sales leader, and largest computer company.

so im proud of u too.

one nite out.

Thank god for people like YOU, YOU and YOU.
my very own bunch of super friends.





life is so much more colourful.

kick-ass sunshine.

i dont know what i've been doing lately.
everything seems to move auto-pilot style.


like how i avoid bumping into you.
how i come to work later and leave work on time.
how i hate to linger, except when i need books to fuel up my life.
how i say 'hello' and smile to everyone other than you.

and i guess nathaniel might still be a better name for my child next time(if i ever have one.)

...


mum came back to singapore three time last month.(it was fantastic!)

im listening to maroon 5's WAKE UP CALL, i know im a bit wayy behind.
but i just realised.
i need a wake-up-call perhaps.

reading travel narratives, finding spiritual enlightenment.
reading love essays.
searching for love in different corners of my life.
i beginning to feel that life seems a lil too drama-ish.
almost fiction literature.


went to NUH to visit rahila,
who had a 12cm jack fruit seed looking in-growth in her stomach removed.



reading the basic theory textbook everywhere i go.


i need to take some pictures to brighten up my day.


rants, boring rants.

sayonara.

i have decided that one of my greatest hobby is vanishing for awhile.

so good bye.
at least for awhile.





take care people!

gooodbye, forever.

the whole world seems to be on an internship.

im definitely not,

in fact im dealing with death and love and death and love.

one day i'll narrate the story.

i wonder if its alright to feel like that, so score like that.

i wished i could stay in Borders, for a long time, everyone is bloody nice.

i wished i knew when death strikes, i wished i played my part.

Helllo, goodbye, and i send you the love i've always stored in my heart for someone else.

take my love and leave with a touch of grace.

ah-leh-lu-ya.

mavel comics?

ok, im officially tired of being love-sick like.
yes i do fucking hell need a boyfriend, but you know these things...

and yes, i am very very very tired after work today.
i am dealing with massive amounts of Harry Potter, and they were really dusty.

alrite, let the pictures do the talking.



its rare to see her in such a bad state, the expression, nnothing else.



i went to perm my curly wurly hair and it turned out 20 times more curly wurly.



and we try to look beautiful.



a lil bit of me and you makes a whole lot of joy/



hello miss sunshine!

...


i permed my friggin hair ages agoo and i kinda dont wanna talk about it cos its fucking screwed.
i had to go rebond my fringe the 2nd day cos the fucking woman (ex-masscommer mind u!) went to fucking perm my fringe.
i mean, which fucking idiot perms the fucking fringe.
and i had to say goodbye to the naturally wavy fringe and swop for an unnaturally straight and short fringe.
FUCK YOU, if you think you know everything, stupid EX-masscommer.

when the desire to wwant to look better screws up big time.
oh well, what can i say? FUCK.

....

if i were to draw a heart for everytime i thought of you,
i think the world would be filled with so much more love.

good morning borders.

As plain white Ts would sing it, 'Oh it's what you do to me'.


...

its the first time that going to work does not seem like a chore.
friends laugh and say im all bullshit, but its the first time work seem so much like school.
im always thinking about the next book i can buy.

im hardly bothered by the pay,
im seriously thinking of hanging on to the job,
but as anyone would know, it is nearly impossible.


...


hey there delilah, be my love, would you?

run my dear, run.

if you'll keep running with me,
i woulden mind working 10 hours everyday.
...


exams are so long gone like old grannies panties.
riight now, im basking in the joy of working and filling up my bank acc with more cash.
it helps that i've been doing pretty much retail therapy.

Borders has been tolerating with my mistakes.
the managers and supervisors have been talking about it, but im pretty much okay with it.
so they go 'oh... you'r liang tong', and i know my mistake has been spread.

but they seem to have a high tolerant for it,
and everyone i meet just smiles at me, nice big gigantic smiles.
it makes me want to skip across the book store, jump around, sing and smile all day long.

i've been smiling so much, my cheeks feel numb.
sure, there are tough times, even tears, but the environment and people make it so bearable.

im always running from one end of the store to the other,
it fun to run pass the kids section, all the time.
and yes, but saying hi to me.

...


i have a long overdued romance i wished i could claim in borders.



...

all systems shut down.

i find the problem ridiculous,
and the solution lame, mayb not there at all.

..


Borders was tough,
mental endurance and EEK, book store not slack at all.

its rather peaceful, or so it seems and no one seems to be trying to break it.
so it all seems rather well.
only if i din miss mum that much while i was doing my stuffs.

i was kinda shocked at the mess behind the scenes, and the number of things we had to memorise.
That aside, all's well except this 8-5 timing is screwing up my entire holiday, so far.

...

i tried to call the girls,
both were unreachable.
xinyu was prolly working, and keat? kinda missing.
oh man, this sucks.
alot of angst that i needed to flush out of my system.
its somewhat PMS and yet, i cant identify it.
like there's a wholelot of shit in my system that i have yet to get out.


..


oh dear, take a mental break.
and for hui who likes to think ever so much,
its okay, it runs in my blood too.





mental note: call hui mei.

knock-off.

exams are over, this sem is pretty much over.
im pretty sure i wun be seeing those subjects anywhere too soon.

i just wana be very thankful for sandy.
i seriously dont know what would have happened without her,
and to all the people we angered and to all the people who were angered by us.
well, its just too bad for u guys.
mayb i'll get karma, but god knows.

save your truckload of bullshit for yourself next sem, just a suggestion.

and if YOU(to just that one specific person) pester me for my results next sem, i will sure to knock u over ur head with mine. save for the heels for ur oversized boyfriend.



..

on a happy note, i will be heading to the airport to retrieve a bottle of warmth later on, no, maybe a jar of warmth, from the mother who has officially crossed the point of not being there for us for more than a year since i was born.
the longest time i have ever been put into an emotional turmoil.

and all those gaps in life when she's not there to fill, her mother has been doing a wonderful job being my source of suppport.
im amazed that my mum has given me such a great grandmother

i guess this is the shortest over-exam euphoria ever.
cheerios to independence and borders.

coffee prince ep 13 is out!!!!
omg, i can almost die of happiness.


finished time travellers wife.(damn emo.)
its like i have nothing to do and everything to do.
i really cant be bothered about the exams.(not that i dont want to.)
like my attention span does not last more then 30 mins.
i take so many breaks that i decided to just slack.

eat KFC with keat, walk around.
talk about christianity.
oh whatever,
i made a mental promise to myself tmr is like, the last day and i have to hardcore finish!

just let me watch this episode 13, and i'll rest in peace awaiting to fulfill tmr's promise.

culinery accidents.

my craving for pasta has turned into a severe illness.
i attempted to cook up pasta at home.

with No garlic and No parmesan cheese.
and only instant pasta sause.
haha, u mus be wondering how it taste like.

so bad quality pasta,
over heated pan,
undercooked pasta,
kraft cheese.

the only saving grace was the sausage, the chilli sausage.

the overall taste was..supermarket pasta.
i think i should jolly well fail myself in cooking.
i am seriously haviing more and more culinery accidents.




.and the other day i did a rice pudding.
and it tasted abit odd, and looked abit odd.
so when my brother asked me what was the chunck of yellow thing in the fridge,
i hastily said, oh, some egg thing.


I NEED GOOD HOME COOKED FOOD.


..


i think im gonna get KFC later.
nothing can go wrong with fried chicken, although it might not be home-cooked.

one nite out.

after 42 million years(after spore's 42th birtthday), here we are.

starving and wandering about Imm was, come to think of it, absolutely brainless, pointless and dumb.
but its okay lah!

so, hello xinyu, hello IMM,












and this is my fave fave photo, because she looks so happy, at the top of the world.
good nite.

...


liangtongisyouronlyfriend.blogspot.com
wait for me xinyu, hahahaha, i'll set it up for u when i finish exams.!!!

hey stranger.

i'll just be truthful.
i feel as if im living in a life that is not mine.
it isnt fun at all, in anyway.
lols, it seems plain simple but i still dont get it.

dolce vita, the sweet life.

channel 16 always brigtens up my day.

i managed to catch two of my ultimate fave cooks on tv today.
nigella lawson in the morning, and david rocco at night.
as much as i love oliver, im getting sick of the things he do.
its just olive oil and more oilve oil with pork pork pork pork fish fish fish veg veg veg.
i mean, i love the fact that his british and all, and yet he always manages to cook up both classic british meals and fusion cuisine, but its gets boring after awhile.

Nigella lawson is also british, but she is LOVE.
she lost her husband to throat cancer, and has two kids to care for.
i love the fact that she always cooks meals good enough for anyone for her kids.
her desserts are like really good, colourful and simple.
and she indulges in her food, truly, she does not just cook and leave it there.
she has even made me consider eating more chocolate, trying chocolate.
i mean, i dont even like chocolate to begin with!
but her chocolate stuffs are like...heavenly.
and she always goes ' tooo much of a good thing, can be wonderful'.
awwwww...she makes sugar and spice so much less guilty.




that italian david rocco guy is another gem.
he makes me crave for pasta, he makes me wanna make tiramisu, rice pudding..
but i always fail, somehow.
classic italian food with alot of cheese, alot alot alot.
huge servings of cheese and pasta and more cheese.
now now, how can i ever get sick of CHEESE? NO WAY!.
and he shares the same philosopy as me, for adding garlic to everything when stir frying.lols.
david roccos's docle vita.
and his articulation is really really WHOMPA LALA.
it sounds so good, he speaks so bloody well, not just well, but he has a flavour.



...



miami ink is fantastic too.
ok, it is totally not related to food.
but it sucks that the timeslots are like everyday 11-12 midnight.
i hate to stay up late.



oh well, cable tv does make life a little sweeter.


bloody random tv guide.

lets try to concentrate on heritage!

2 pairs of shoes in two weeks,
im back into the groove of shopping for shoes.
and theres one more pair arriving in my mail shortly, that makes it 3.

Marks and Spencer do have beautiful shoes,
like during the sale, its a waste not to buy anything.
trendy zone at fareast is charging 20 bucks for a pair of shoes that will last for less then 4 months.(in my case, 2 months and its gone!)
so if i were to pay 10 bucks more for shoes that will prolly last a year, i would.

i saw the white snakeskins ones at centrepoints' marks and spencer.
i thought it would make a goodd collection, sadly, the white ones were not on sale.
so at wheelock, li bing and i came across the same pumps in brown, not a bad choice i say.
ON SALE AT 30 BUCKS.
walked around for a couple of hours and decided that i had to have them.

saw these on the marks and spencer webby.
looks good, but i only got the brown one, singapore ar, ALWAYS LIMITED STOCKS!



....

was out at the museum and all around towwn, arab street with li bing yesterday.
it was a heritage tour i swear!
i dun think im made to experience those, i just cant take the heat.
if only it was breezy and cooling, singapore would be a better place to live in.

li bing tried her best to calm me down, but i guess it has smtg to do with my skin,
low tolerance to heat.
i haven met her for ages, and im glad things turn out okay.
and we got the job at BORDERS.
right now, its my dream job, been thinking about it for a couple of months before i even pitched the idea to li bing.
she seems like the kind who would love to work at borders with an odie like me!
soak in the air of harry potter i say!!!!!

i think highlight of the day was the singapore museum.
free entry after 5.30pm was unexpected, but longed for.HAHA.
exhibitions was like educational, not boring-history -boring.
fashion, food, film and photographs.
four areas, four different themes.
great for a walk down memory lane to learn about stuffs we will never ever experience.

the 'food' theme was something that blew me away, completely.
it was on street food culture, think satay bak ku teh, roti prata, char kway teow.
li bing seems to think that they sprayed the smell of 'you tiao' in the air.
possible, we;'ll never know.

i dont think i'll be eating satay that much no more, basically, from the exhibition,
the satay was seasoned by sugar and more sugar. it freeks me out man.

the fashion was so 'lets-jump-into-a-go-go' culture.
full of wigs, cakey powder and from cheongsum-kebaya-mini skirt.
i dont know if that makes sense.

explore the rest at the museum if u have time lah.
free entry after 5,30pm is absolutely amazing.



cheerios.

keep it a secret.

you could have stayed, why din you?

....

it has been awhile since i felt so much in one day.
handing up the paper was tough, maybe just for me.
it did not exactly felt right, i din have a good feeling.
so much could have been done, i dont even understand why do i give a damn when half a group dumps the resposibility to the eds.
i mean, c'mon, this is a GROUP project, it was OUR effort, dont u care?
but we're just humans.

...

i can be such a seasonal friend i admit,
this is keaty's season.
i hope it stays like that.

having both of us being understanding, andd taking initiative,
it seems so back to old times.
Caught Jay chou's SECRET, despite my strong objection.
i dont see Jay chou as someone who can go beyond 'initial D' and one liners.
well, perhaps i was wrong.
it was a jolly good movie that made me laugh(secretly), cry(secretly), hungry(secretly) and felt at peace(secretly.)
well, the rest is a secret.
but i think he did put some brain juices into it, so the story line is pretty amazing.

but i think it was the company lah.
keat is like, the usual.
she's so afraid of me speaking loud and pai-sae-ing her.
but i find it really damn fun, and i love to torture her with all my crap.
i mean, i know she appreciates my crap, i totally believe in how she bonds with my crap more than she bonds with me.
er, anyway,
i think i like her alot.
i cant define what, but shes good.
kind hearted soul, well brought up.
anyway, went to accompany her the other day.
she was studying and i was reading 'time traveller's wife'.
but neither of us can concentrate.

so...







HAHA, west mall coffeebean is a great place to study.
just not for keat.

NEON PNK IS HOT.

i love NEON PINK.

i cant bear it anymore!
im coming clean, i love neon pink!
in love, yes, obsession, yes,
with neon pink.


finally got that neon pink pair of jellies i've been looking at for acouple of months!

death and dying.

DEATH, can come so easily.
for the past few days, death seems to almost linger just beside me.

This year, i seem highly affiliated to hospitals.
in china, and even here back in homeland.
but im lucky, i have never been the one directly involved in the hosital stays yet.
but seeing ppeeople close to you suffering can sometimes be much worst then you yourself suffering.

on friday night, everyone seem certain that popo was not gona make it.
when i walked into the High-Dependency unit, and heard popo croaked, i could not even stand looking at her.
at the length of about 145cm, small and all shriveled up, with tubes penetrating her.
the sight was unbearable that all i could do was turn away and walk out of the room.
i din want her to see me cry, i admit, i cried of shama, guilt, and of course fear.
shame and guilt of putting off visiting her all the time, despite the fact that she lives in just the next blk.
fear, of losing her to the masked face of death.
in the end, i think her strong will power made her survive.

on saturday itself, i saw two deaths.
luckily for me, neither was someone i knew.
the 1st death shook me hard i say.
i was walking out, passing the other ICU-like rooms,
someone, an one man i saw on friday night, sleeping peacefully, had died.
his family members cried so hard, i could hear them from afar.
i had that faint urge to cry too.

the weekends were awfully busy,
with two trips to the hospital everyday.
i did manage to sneak in a meet with keat.
which calm my nerves abit, abit of malibu dream, a whole chuck of whip cream for me to lick does make me less caught up in the world of the death and dying.



and i wonder,
when will me time come?

i cant say enough about people who post their grades online,
in the face of people who read their blog.
neither can i say enough about the value of peer evaluation.

today i felt like a slut, except that i dont sleep around and all.
i felt so selfish, self-centred, and everything.
i marked them down.

i coulden take the stress of being unkind, i had to call someone for emotional support.
which in this case, is li bing. THANK YOU.
i mean, i have given many people chances, back in year 1.
and year 2 i just want it to run smooth.
and by doing this to someone, with them knowing and reading what i have written,
i've scarred us for eternity.
i guess i am trying very hard to stay afloat in masscomm, to the extend that i thought it was worth it all.
even if it means bringing someone down.
turns out that i dont feel good about it at all, not one inch.
the day crapped up because i coulden habdle myself.
not that im feeling guilty for doing it, because they absolutely deserved it.
but i guess, towards this issue im really sensitive.
i care too much about how they will judge me when they come to know about it.
yea, that is the truth, the ultimate plantinum truth of it.
i care about how they will spread shit about me to the world, and how they look at me.
'oh its that two-face slut', thats the worst thhing to ever become.

why cant everyone be a little bit more proactive.
do more.
when u go thru endless nights of perfecting work,
you get so sick that u want them to all burn in hell.
thats y i marked them down.
becos while i was all chilled out, i (we) were the ones running the show.
we contributed to so much of their grades.
is it worth it?
to always be doing it for someone else?
its not just mine, the whole project is a group project.
im tired of leechers, free riders, whatever you call it.
if ur life is fucking screwed thats fine.
but mine is screwed enough and i just want to make it better.
and im trying really hard.



right now, i wanna give up on studying and go party,
like loud music and lots of booze.
because it is easiest to hide in darkeness.