It occurred to me how loyal women (or maybe just me?) can be.
On the way back home from school, after being freed to torturous assignments for one night only, i dedicated time to reflecting on relationships. I realised that I have, sadly, grown quite blind to the opposite sex around me. I no longer crave new encounters (maybe just the conversations), but im no longer out there to dig for stories, to actively engage. Perhaps you see this as a sign of laziness on my part. But it could be the fact that I'm just sucked into something bigger right now.
I think about the boys I thought I've loved, only to ask myself "did I truly like them?", "why did I like them?", "what did I do for them/or they for me to make me think that I like them?". Senseless even childish questions surfaced, most of them received a less-than-worthy answer. "Perhaps I never did show any loyalty to them, not even brain time".
So my current mentality and unconscious actions must be a sign of loyalty.
Once labelled as the "invader" of my thoughts, he has been somehow crowned the "king" of my heart. Unknowingly, unanimously. Even I feel betrayed by my own decision and judgement.
I no longer give brown-shoe boys the same attention I always have given them, no longer eye the smart dressers with intensity, have given up ever finding a boy with king-kong-like facial hair, kill off conversations with strangers instead of continuing them and keep eye contact with strangers at a minimal (still cant help but throw in a smile every now and then). Oh yes, I feel so betrayed by my own loyalty towards this unknown new force that surrounds me.
Well, im not agreeable with my own doings but who can fault blind loyalty?
Guess the only way to feel better to to take time to go out there and do some social survey. Know that blind loyalty is everywhere.
