Fear.

What am is so afraid of?


what's that thing that's eating me inside out?

beat up

i need you i want you i feel you.
Im dying for a coffeebean session with a loved one at Westmall's coffeebean.
Doing the good ole Malibu dreams.
sharing New York Cheesecake.
be anti-social, read a book, talk cock.

get away from MCM, from NP
from new media.

Im so lost and tired just spinning rounds and rounds with nothing accomplished yet.
I bet you so can tell right?

Vapour

//



Sweet and ultimately sad.
This whole superficial conversation which boiled down to, simply vapour.

you know how vapour is formed by condensation,
a process that takes a little time and the right conditions.
and even given all the right factors, a vapour hardly lasts.

,

now how do you lock such emotions somewhere?

The sweetest Occasion.

Sandy baby's 19 birthday was all about comfy/controversial conversations.
Afternoon tea at fosters was sheer delight.

Cream , jam and scones accompanied by fragrant perfume-like earl grey.

As they chatter on about wedding plans, i cant help but feel 'intoxicated' with bliss.
"My friends are so blessed."
Wendy, with her perfectionist wedding
Sandy, with her summer fling wedding party at Dempsey (oh whatever i cant spell)
and Li Bing, just as clueless as i am.
She's abit of a hopeless romantic, I was too, but its no longer the case.

Speaking of which, HN and Sandy, they're the cutest couple i know.
And Sandy's absurd matchmaking plans for me is irritating but nonetheless very entertaining.
Keep it coming Sandy!

Im contented in most aspects of my life but the fear of hitting 20 is intimidating.
in half a year i'll hit 20!
that 'old hag' feeling is surfacing, i'm leaving my teens dude!

ah anyway i decided that maybe i'll wanna play 'lucky' if i have a wedding.
isnt it lucky to be love with your best friend?!





WHOOSH sunday will be over real quick - WHY oh WHY.

We cry.

Now and then i see a lil spark,
but i still dont know who's gonna catch me if i fall.


it has almost cross over to hatred.

coveted.

The internet distracts me.
Make-up products on the internet distracts me.


I honestly wonder why SU bother coating their cult product in gold, which i reckon after a couple of uses its gonna look exactly like what they originally have. FUNCTION OVER FORM.
But then i need to contradict myself and say that it really is kinda gorgeous and is a great (not to mention handy) accessory in a make-up pouch.




every morning when im doing my routine, i have to be constantly reminded NOT to overdo my liner and make it a smoky eye.
And most of the time i still end up with a fake smudged smoky eye look at the end of the day after 8 hours..
but anyways, a real smoky eye will be so much easier with this set i reckon...I did quite like the mascara when i did a make-over a couple of months ago. And the eye shadow is super tempting.




Pure lust. When i saw it i was like WTF!!! Super sweet JC brushes.
i just wished this wasn't limited edition, oh heavenly collection.






There's just no end to a wishlist. damnit.

The Ghost of you and me.

You are the monster in my life,
Haunting,
Terrorising,
and Destructive.

The irony of it all falling together,
creating a colourful palette of a heartbroken soul.

That is,
Disposable-ly yours.

May I ask if you treat everyone like that?

a penance for pain.

Sometimes when im on the way home, of course when its all grey and dark, I have the urge to instead, take a plane to my mum's side. I want to return home to a noisy and naggy mother, fresh laundry and home-cooked food.

And then i remember that she gave all of her youth to us, my brother and i, and daddy, and she has a life too, its just her time to soar like an eagle and return to use when she's tired. Its just like a baseball game where players keep hitting and running till they hit a home-run. Im waiting for mum to hit hers, and decide that the game's over - come home.

We could be best friends again, we could see each other and bicker everyday. We don't have to sing daddy's birthday song over the phone and I don't have to try and match up to all the roles that you were. When im tired and stressed i just wished you'll be the one telling me a stupid joke about your silly encounters of the day, or emphasizing the need to stop frowning.



"It was my father who grew toward us as the years went by; it was my mother who grew away."


For now, My nosey neighbour constantly probes about my emotional welfare, i wished she could stop so i can also stop giving her the standard small talk answers, yeah, maybe one day when i agree to go to church with her. No innuendo intended ok.

mad about eyes, for today

The most comprehensive eyeliner video ever.


http://www.allure.com/howtos/video/2008/09/eyeliner



Make-up is a less time-consuming, more interesting way to de-stress.
Despite the crunch-time vibes that i have been getting since week one, I managed to play with some new products.

Tried & Tested:

1. Diorshow(DS) Mascara
This is a super overrated Marscara, and seriously the best thing about Dior is their powder and blush? DS is a super strong formula that is just about strong.

Yea sure they tried to innovate a '2-way' mascara wand (flat and curl)but nah, no volume and only 5% increase in length lah. Full size is like 30 or 40 plus SGD? I think MJ works better.


2. E.L.F eyeliner pencil in Black
Super cheap liner from Sasa (designed in US, made in China). Its 5 bucks and comes with a sharpener. great creamy formula, easy to apply but needs to be set with some powder.(Gives similar effect of AllURE beauty video)


I should have bought this when i just started playing with make-up.
need a smudge tool.need a smudge tool.need a smudge tool.



PS: LIBING! MJ IS IN TOWN (takashimaya's watsons or northpoint's watson)

Stash.

Why do you not use make-up?

A) I can never wake up on time, much less say find time to doll myself.
B) I don't buy make up.
C) I'm too beautiful, makeup ruins my face instead.
D) I have no make-up skills.
E) I don't know how to buy/choose make-up.
F) My skin is perfect, make-up is redundant.


Hmm, i wonder.
.

School consumes my energy, ALL.
alas, i always find time for simple make up – sun screen, concealer, eyeliner, mascara and a touch of blush
But recently i realised that my time for eating breakfast has been tremendously cut down.
And the myth about how make-up kills skin?
HUH, its a myth.
Since starting make-up routine, my skin condition actually improved.

My random saturday morning was spent sorting out all these candy-coloured palettes.
Fair enough not everything is candy coloured!




Getting the Shu Uemura's eyelash curler was a treat for myself (i harboured a desire for it since sec 3...)
and plucking brows have definitely saved me quite abit of money, thou by trial and error i sometimes pluck off more than i should. (I wanna practice on pple! practice makes perfect yo.)



Brushes are something i have recently got acquainted with, its amazing now i cant do without them.
No one laughs at my eyeliner as much now!
I'm secretly saving up for some bobbi brown brushes..hmm.they make great xmas presents!
while everyone but clothes, im secretly saving to build a make-up brushes empire.



Ta-dah. Wonder truck, life has simply changed.




.




back to writing stories for ngee ann polytechnic.
ain't it sweet?

Opinions, thou i hate to do this.

YA LAAH YA LAH

i need to go on a real bloody date.



But perhaps i'm too much of an interrogating girl-friend to most people,
too straight forward, blunt,
fussy, driven-by-food,
tall, as sandy puts it ' need conversation skills' (which I personally don't think so but we'll see),
I probe and probe and probe,but is that wrong?

it kinda intimidates guys, no?


.
Why Do i scare boys?
Speak your two cents worth please, and be honest.


,


are pink stockings, black platform heels and
high-waisted skirts to tough to handle?

Irony.

I can change my hair,
pile myself with make-up,
dress up day-after-day,
gain weigh, lose weigh,
but in the end, to you,
is it what's inside that counts?

i wonder.

i can lose myself in heart-pounding music,
eat and binge on alcohol,
call you and text you,
but in the end, to you,
won't i be just a strange little kid vying for attention?

the irony of the situation is that you are the real kid,
not me.

so perhaps whatever I do is to try to get to you.
Alas, you don't see it.
you never do.

i miss mum because she is the solution to all my problems.

My take on her story.

2hours and 4 text messages later,
it became some what evident that, like all the other times they decide to give it a miss,
tonight would be just like any other.

unsure if its calm composure of just cool arrogance,
she lied.


//


How would i define a fairytale,
a shoulder to hide behind during a horror movie
2/3 of the umbrella covering me
a ear to scream into
an undying patience
a slow, warm and strong voice



is there a men library? maybe i'll be willing to pay for the membership.



If i finish reading 'essays in love' will i understand?
will i understand what and why this is the way it is?
will i find our grey area (instead of conforming to wei long's black and white theory?)
will i have ran out to the bus stop instead?


Partying will solve it isnt it?

weekend thrill.

Retro-ness and childhood all rolled into one.
Meet my new colour-tv set!
Its portable, and yes, cable-enabled, just in case ur wondering.
Now i can catch the latest breaking news on CNN, now i bet even the lecturers are jealous.






I suppose i could stop checking out AsiaOne afterall.
Love at first sight.





still stressing over school thou.

as we see it.

A day before school started, i resumed reading 'essays in love', a book that focuses on philosophical theories that revolves around love, a relationship.

I have been reading this on/off for a year now, heavy stuffs.
re-visiting a book was way emotional, and that was exactly how i felt, overwhelmed.
By the whole concept of falling in love and staying in love.

"Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful,because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but oneself, a private pain that is as bitter-sweet as it is self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply being hurt to take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself."

A de-stress session with BBB, Sandy and new-comer Wei long ended up just as philosophical. We discussed of a certain possibility of being homo, stereotypes, a whole string of 'intro-dialogues' and the reason behind singleton. well, sandy is out of that as we know she is happily glued to boyfriend of 3 years and counting.


what makes this so hard?
what makes her so happy?
and lastly, with irrelevance, what makes school so tough?

When we play, we play HARD.

god i wished school's still out and partying is still main focus.
now i have to kiss partying and fun gooodbye and think about how to stay afloat.














WHEN CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN
im sick of school already

School has started.

big eraser friend,

you need to understand that i am not as disposable as you think i am.
you need to know.
but how do i go about telling you?



Horrid is the new school.

Jiale.

Mama is back, which is undoubtedly a great thing.
I love that wonderful feeling of having someone to bicker with, someone to pamper me and someone to pay for some of the items i covet.
Ahhhh, motherly love is the greatest love.

That aside,



Jiale left for UK, which somehow shook me a little.
Don't be mistaken, im not pretending to be the emo BFF but a recent met up left me thinking about filling-the-gaps.
which i have to say frankly, we should forgo the content part, just focus on the comfy feelings we have.
we have both added quite a number of people in out lives, its just a lil sad that we grew apart.

as with all the kinds of friendships these days, you take some, and you lose some.
aint i lucky i have libing, keaty, Xy,sandy, cha and a couple of fantastic ladies in my life?
i hope we grow old together, drinking tea and watching lovers go by. (well, the last one was random.)

Chua Xinyu, Rain

Call her: CHUA XINYU, RAIN

Status: very SLIM

Be charmed by...
her lady-like features, with a brain that functions like an encyclopedia of various workout plans and routines that will sharpen and tone every part of your body. Zest and entrepreneurship, set to rule the world with IT knowledge, business skills and not to mention a strong financial backing. Do note that she's heading for UK very very soon...

Her kinda men:
Give her someone mature and stable, preferably driving a BMW, 10 years older (just the way she likes it, medium well) and has assets that can pay for at least one Agnes B boutique (all goods inclusive) per month.

I'm thinking private banker, banker, millionaire (is that a job?) or billionaire.

she's sweet enough for all those i reckon.