Post 411.

physical differences.
Mental gaps.
intellectual diffusion.


today I see it. so clear it blinds me.

RW.day 6 (we are almost done here)

There is no reason why.
no loathing.
no assurance.
no pain.
and most ultimately,
no gain.

Nights spent with you.
are like nights spent alone.

daylight is my saving grace.

Can you hear the pulse of heartbeat slowing down.

RW.day 5.2

Happy 21st keat.
She is now 21 and a day old.
I want her to know that I am not that lone ranger who appreciates her as she is.
many many people do.









Photos: Keaty, Libing, Weilong and Tong!!!

RW.day 5.2

I have been very frank to myself,
but I think it also means a whole deal of white lies on this blog.

Concerns,
thank you.


No, I am not in anyway involved with Mr Floppy.
The name just came naturally.
I like the way he thinks, and I wish he is really a girl to begin with.
matured, yet childish.


Other than abstract, I do write about serious stuffs.
http://www3.ntu.edu.sg/chronicle/news/vol16no3/p14.html

Question of the day:
"are you emotionally single?"


Today's yamagata song is still "reason why"

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I get to you
It's not the same

RW.day 4

"This is a tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more. Who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be that they are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe, just maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is a homage to the girls who laugh out loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more then they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for the girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it."

- Via Libing, Via TigerInTheDark

RW.day 3

"I don't expect anything//you may hate me, but I'll remember to love you" - Quiet, R Yamagata

Playlist oh playlist,
Do you know?
You keep me sane and insane all at once.



/

Supper with Mr Floppy.
I see a friendship,
Something remotely similar,
We were frank,
We are friends.

I opened my heart and he gave a solution.
If only it worked.

RW.day 2.2

Tong is looking at pslove.tumblr.com

Bro: Love sick ah you?
Tong: ....



..

love sick.
no need to intensify my insecurities.
no need an object to be obsessed with.
love sick.
all you need is love.
know that the ideology LOVE, is much stronger than love itself.
even stronger than loving a person.
that is the ideology of LOVE.


possibly I'm in love with the idea of love.
love as a term.
a mystery.
a variable.

RW.day 2

I want to
I want to
I want to

stop thinking about whether you think about me.


it's not really that important to be thought off, seriously.
wished I could convince myself.

damn lucky i've got friends who are willing to accompany me via text.
you know who you are.
sorry i'm not an msn girl. HAHA

Reason why.

Sing this song to me

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
And we hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

- R yamagata, reason why.


how do we run away from solitude and confinement?
sing me a song and i'll follow you anywhere, because you are my pied piper of Hamelin.

war.
make the most of sadness.
dead and dying breathe.
sinking heart.

Every breath I take.
Every reason I give.
Every heart you break.

I know that we are doomed.

.

I want to write a book about pain, sorrow, intimacy, heartbreak and distance.
Im researching intensively.
let me know if you have a story to share.

25th OCT 2009

PHOTO OF THE YEAR!!!!!


2009's representation of friendship.



It takes 4 people, 7 hours and a good meal at TEAPARTY to make me feel whole again.
SUNDAY and SATURDAYS were spent at NGEEANN POLY.
Sitting in that all-too-familiar Makan Place, chatting with yong tau hoo auntie, hearing her say "girl, come back to eat next week".
It melts my heart.

University does not exactly SUCK the life out of me, but I figured I take longer than usual to adjust.
After the all time LOW last week I figure I ought to get up again and have fun fighting school.
School School School......
and assignments....

PICTURES WHEEE.











Take this sinking heart and make it whole again.

need to kill.

not everyone puts their brain to good use
and not everyone agrees eye-to-eye.

There is this 1 particular person I would like to see being put to sleep tonight.
I can hardly bring myself to like her, her repetitive tone, repetitive tee shirt, her motionless face and her ah-ma looking granniy panties that give mine a run for their money.

flop goes the weasel.

thank you you warmed my heart.
somehow somewhat somewhere.
even if i'm not the one you're fussing over.

flop goes the weasel.

thank you you warmed my heart.
somehow somewhat somewhere.
even if i'm not the one you're fussing over.

Freezing inside.

Depression sees no light of day.


Help me, save me, send me some someone.

YL.

can I hear your voice?

...

I've always thought of you as an oasis in this tormenting dessert.
And I strive and strive to get to you.
As much as it tire me out,
I reached out.
I held your hand in mine for what i felt COULD BE eternity
and then you ran.

You ran.
You hid.

I opened my heart.
I showed you my soul.
I welcomed you into my head,
My world.
I gave you everything I could offer
I gave you the truth
If nothing else matters,
The truth.
Truth I hid from the world.

You ran.
You hid.
You put me away.

The one person I thought I could be truthful to.
Let's put distance between us.
I am tired.
My mind is closed.
My heart has retreated.
The truth, has died.

Allow me one last statement: I genuinely cared for you. cared.

Go ahead and run.
Go Hide.
Go somewhere else.


...




I admit I'm afraid of karma and that played a part in my changed perspective.
Would I be better off as the bitch-from-hell?

On friendship.

"I'm looking for a friend that I can communicate to, both intellectually and emotionally"
- lunch convo with Wen Tong.


"A friend of yours has a serious authority figure complex and you may have to give them some tough love to snap them out of some serious self-pity. Trust your intuition if you are not sure what to say. Even if they resist your advice, they are listening."
- FACEBOOK horoscope, which I am a diehard fan of.


"AWW! How apt k? My itunes on be be your love.Didn't choose it :)"
- Libing's reply (FYI: i really see BE BE YOUR LOVE is our song.)


Supper was, emotionally fulfilling.
I was very honest with myself.
I put my trust in you, do the same.

SPICE in my life.

EXCITED.

ALL THESE CRAZY RULES

Girls all over the world live in fear of expressing their love
We are all so afraid to look or sound desperate.
overfriendly? that's a no-no too

When I was reading this entry (see link), i felt obliged to share all that bottled up emotions.
http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2009/10/all-these-crazy-rules.html
it helps that FRIDAY is always a good day to blog.

isnt this simply unbearable? Like the intense summer heat that wont go away.
Having to live in denial
BUT, who says that acting nonchalant will guarantee that he sees who you are and what you feel
LET ME TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

I have been acting like that (nonchalant when I really do care and feel fucking desperate) ALL the years I've dated.
IT SUCKS and it's not a one way ticket to a relationship.
Only one that drives the innocence of relationships further into hell.

I constantly think jealousy will help you strive harder for me. (as i act nonchalant)
but all these years, NAH. Tried and tested and FAILED.





Does playing hard to get really works?
Is being overfriendly a major turnoff?

seriously, who cares.

"Jealousy knows more than truth does" - you decipher. (Gracia, memories of my melancholy whores)

so it rains.

Sometimes you feel abandon.
It's not a choice.
it's like a ball that bounces into your embrace.
Only that it is bounced so hard,
it hurts to receive it.

Memories of my melancholy whores - love with an insane and obsessive touch.