Why do you fault me for not being there, then can I too, fault you for not being here?
I am not unreasonable, and I know neither are you. We knew the type of circumstances we were getting ourselves into, since day 1 (well, not meeting in in the lift, but rather just over lunch) I told you. I took out my thickest black markers, and drew the clearest boundaries.
You were the one who disregard everything I've laid out as a disclaimer.
This soft spot you have for me, will it last, won't it last, and what does it mean? You can have a soft spot for a puppy too you know. I'm not a stray puppy, I don't need your love, I want it.
You know you have been terrible in laying out certain statements that left me dumbfounded. Did you regret it? Will you regret it? Your method of repentance cannot strike a chord with me. With you, I can find a hundred and one ways to victimised myself, just so to have you chained to me, maybe out of guilt, maybe, just a tranquilizer to keep you with me. But why would I do that?
I don't want to victimize myself, I dont want to scare you, to find rebuttals, to force you to see things the way I do. My stance is clear, if Im in this, my role is to alternate between jabbing you, and compromise, you know it too. In fact you know that is the only role anyone can take if they want to be with you. Don't make me tell you how selfish you have been, not now anyway.
I sense your frustrations, and I sense your desire not to talk. We know small talk doesnt work for us. We've tried it, we know it. We tug at each other's heartstrings with such intensity that we can want nothing less from each other.
Maybe this is me "musing", but you know this is the truth. This is the truth I can't say in your face, this is the truth you've been telling me. Hard to accept, hard to listen, hard to digest. I still question, myself more than you. How we managed to be bounded by all these loathsome emotional ties, now that we are apart. How did it seem so beautiful initially?
Don't pull yourself away. Once I sense your distance, your hesitation and your reluctance, I will retreat faster than you can say "leave". Don't try this with me, because I will never be able to come back the same. Keep me with you, you know how to.
Lastly, Don't fault the distance, fault the heart.
