I think it is finally clear that these couple of months in Seattle was more than just thinking about friends, emotions and relationships. I did so much more soul-searching here than I ever did since 2008. Life has been a mad rush since I finished that first internship. And I ask myself, three internships and many long trips later, just exactly what is most important to me now? What do I truly want?
Friends in Singapore would know I fight a war with my future self, constantly.
Friends here have pointed out that I seem to belong in the future, I rush, I panic, I plan.
Somehow, I always devise ways to sneak into the future while being here.
And this is despite the fact that I have CONSCIOUSLY not PLAN, not THINK and just LIVE. Someone let slip that maybe I should be be 'uptight' about so many things, but I cant help it, I enjoy it. It doesnt make life dreadful for me, it makes life normal. I like the rush, I like the future, but I KNOW and REALISE that I am living in the present (although to many it feels as if Im not).
Since back in the last days of poly, everything I have been doing (and enjoying) is always best explained as "for the future", "contribute to the future", "great for a future". That is not perhaps the best explanation for doing something, because it seems to lack Passion, but I grow a passion for everything Im doing for the Future. Maybe be one day I will look back and regret, but as of now, im enjoying every moment that I have worked hard for.
Without the grades, would I have been in Seattle?
Without those internships, would I be going for GOFAR?
Doubt so.
Im just paving the way for myself, and investing alot of time in myself. Nothing is absolute except the fact that I have a say in where I'm going.
and so what do I truly want? I think Im still searching for the answer.
(I believe more "revelation" posts will be up cause as the end of the trip approaches, I have kinda come to conclusion about certain things.)
