Horrible Coincidence

"The more you try to erase me, the more I appear."
- Thom Yorke

This is the exact situation right now. The more I try to pretend you don't exist, the more you haunt me. Tunes you mentioned, tunes you loved. everything about you but you, yourself. I bumped into all your friends, but just not you. Is that just a horrible coincidence or an eventful avoidance?

Monday night at Stereolounge, over free flow beer and truffle fries (not as good as Overeasy - no rosemary leaves!) Warng and I had the 'deepest' conversation I've had in months. Beer really does wonders.

I cannot agree to all his theories and observations, but those that I can relate to, we strike fast deep conversations. I like our relationship. I like the distance we put between ourselves. I like the fact that we still judge each other quite abit. I like that we still know whats going on in each other's life despite the distance (bromance and an overseas education for you, and work work work for me). Maybe my life's just easily predicatable.

Awesome would be such an understatement. But i did take a 2 minute break in between our conversation as X's favourite tune(s) was played. I cant help but wonder how he has been. I cant help but wish that I could have a Warng-type relationship with X. Not romantic, but platonic, intimate yet apart.

In truth, my reluctance to shut down the blog has a little to do with X. But now that I've locked the blog I guess it doesnt matter.

On a side note R mentioned he owes me a drink, I do hope he remembers when YOG ends.


Media Brief 5 at Marina Bay Sands tomorrow - I have a feeling reporter G will come back and haunt me. GAHGAHGAH.

YOG Opening Ceremony

27,000 spectators
18,700 Workforce
over 7,000 performers
47 MOE schools
750 students to form the olympic rings
24 music arrangers and composers
1 solo artist
20 handheld Monster props
15 member creative team
6 final torch bearers

2 Publicity girls.
6 Full-run rehearsals.
1 Youth Olympic Opening Ceremony.
1 night of wonder.


and now I have to sleep away all the numbers that make up the Opening Ceremony - that made up my life for the last 4 months. To be exact, 98 Days.

Worked non-stop for the last month, every saturday given to rehearsals.
Sunday spent sorting out monday's interviews.
Finally, I took a rest for one whole afternoon.

After the countless interviews - at least 2 every day - and coverage...I have burnt out.

残忍

"对别人仁慈是对自己残忍"

I'm been inflicting so much pain on myself. The blame, the reponsbilities, the non-stop shit ass workload. Over the last year or so, I've noticed a major change in myself. I use to have major bitch fits, throw silent deathly glares and fuck those dumbfucks right in their face. Now, I'm just a PR wannabe who is DYING to please everyone. I even forget my own human rights (like 99% of the time).

Eg:
Climbing up 8 x 2 x 2 storeys with a sprained ankle/thread on water with photographer - HELL YEAH I'LL DO IT. ...The next two days was spent in agony.

Telling the reporter "Sure, I'll help you with X and X, oh you want an interview with XX? He's very busy but I'm sure I can help you to arrange :)"

Despite my sprained ankle, I love to say: "oh you can get better footages if we go to FFF, JUST 10 MINS walk away, come, let me walk you there."

So many more examples of me torturing myself. Feeling tired just thinking about it. My brain and my mouth just cannot sync.



"never give up it's such a wonderful life."

In all Honesty is overused.

In Truth.

Physically and mentally drained.
The sprain ankle remains sprained despite talk that it is supposed to heal.
As the games approach - more media queries are coming in.
Yesterday I clocked a record 16-hour work day.
Hope is not a method, neither is hardwork sometimes.


//
Day.
An hour and a half with a handsome stranger.
I don't know who you are but we shared a rainbow, and a 8 x 2 storey climb - despite my sprained ankle. You wanted to do anything that "risked you life". I wanted to do everything that would "keep me safe". Vastly different and yet we've met.



Night.
Nerd came over to talk yesterday.
I threw him nothing but a sheet of angst, a look of disdain and the sound of mockery.
Sorry but your non-verbal actions sometimes still say the obvious and I can only read and react the opposite way of how I really feel because nothing is in it for me.
I don't need this cheap thrill, or one moment of glory with you.
I just don't need it.

Non-disclosure

I have every intention of deleting the blog if not for the fact that I strongly believe that we should never react, but rather always be defensive. I did not follow my mantra this time. Alot of things have happened over the course of the last few days - all work related.

There's a MEL on the chatbox, but she's not much of a problem as of now - there are other problems plaguing me, and this blog.
So lock-up it is.

Sometimes...

I still pray and hope that god (whoever,wherever, whatever) will remember to send me a nice chinese boy with the right values.

I think alot I know. I always think alot.

Imma nerd-lover.

Nerdy Kid surprised me today, a light pat on the shoulder and a brilliant smile.
Ok maybe he is more of a Geek than a nerd - but you get the idea.

In all honestly I basked in the glory of his pseudo halo for a good 5 milliseconds before I could snap outta it.
I wonder what makes a nerd/geek so - appealing?
He doesn't TRY to be geek and strange, he already is. And then again, maybe it has to do with the geeky loop-sided smile or those lame socially awkward moments when it comes to interpersonal communication.

Every time we talk it's as if we have formed our little bubble and the world remains so far away.
I swear I'll follow you into the dark, even knowing that you are the wolf dressed in the sheep's clothing. You don't even have to buy me candy.

So in a room with 20 other manly-men, with their big egos and muscles, I went for the one who is possibly a Pes Z (weak like a duckling), whose shoulder I can hardly lay my head on, and a sense of humour that only lame cool kids understand. Well it helps that you are some self-proclaim whiz kid in multimedia budgeting (how true I'm not sure).

So my heart is no longer safe, and the only way I can go about guarding my heart around you is probably to build Firewalls, and block those pop-up windows. Things an IT kid like you will probably break down in a matter of time, but only if you want to.

I hope you ain't got lolita in your head cause there's no friggin way I'm ever gonna be like that. Yeah, enough of awkwardness, time to take me out for coffeee!

Sweet Treats from Turkey.

Mr Floppy's gift from Turkey.Very edible, very sweet.
In truth, his best gift is his listening ear. I feel safe knowing that I can make mistakes (a million) of them, and yet he'll laugh it all and think of me as the whiny girl with just one dimple.






He could have cancelled on me given that he had an impromptu Zouk night out with his friends and was feeling visibly under the weather at 1pm in the afternoon. oh well. Wish he would smoke less thou.

Someone Worthy - Inch Chua

In case you don't already know about her..I present to you Inch Chua - Singapore's answer to Zee Avi. Of course it would be unfair for me to compared, point is she is a Local Talent.


With lyrics like:

"Plain, plain is the simple we use. Fake, fake is the lie we all seek."

"I could stay on the third degree, but my heart's on wholesale."
- Hurt, Wallfower Album, 2010

"I’ve traveled to Epiphany, I’ve seen the sights I wanna see
Scaled the mountain top to bottom, hit the road
Went back to boredom
And no surprise, I’m back at the start "

"What the hell, I’m losing my marbles over
Something I can’t see
I’d build a bridge, but I doubt I’d be any closer
To where You’d be. "
- Mt. Epiphany, Wallflower Album, 2010

"And now, I’m drowning by the dryness of my patience
and I, decay like rusted thoughts you breath away."
- Pins and Needles, Wallflower Album, 2010

"My sheets are calling, inviting pleasant happy thoughts.
A death to the start, a circumcision of my heart. "
- Aqueous Oblivion, The Bedroom, 2009 (My personal favourite, so many long train rides, sleepless nights, listening to this song)


Now now, just a slice of what Inch Chua's lyrics sound like. Visit her at http://inchchua.bandcamp.com/


Having watched her live performances - baybeats 2009, Paragon ... I think she strikes the right cord all the time. The solution to a hectic day - Inch Chua.

Sounds of a rainy tuesday, plagued by rashes.

Sandy Baby.

enuff said. The ocean has brought back my baby to me!!!
Don't we LOVE hanging out at Bukit Timah.

Fresh Batch of Photos

My favorite pic from the entire night. So Caught-in-the-moment.

A new chapter.

I fell for your bags of stupid jokes and accents. The way fought for your team's welfare and how you stood by me when I was nervous. But we need to move forward and I'm not sure how. Maybe give me a sign?

Goodwood meets Yog

The most comfy birthday, The most hectic day. Amazing how these two go together. Happy belated birthday Tze.

Had a crazy morning anwersing zaobao's request, putting finishing touches to a birthday video and throwing commands at x amt of people. How I got thru the day?.......luck,friends,food and 5 cups of coffee (4from goodwood).

First rehearsal for the opening ceremony was way too awesome. Pictures will come soon.

The Significance of WorldCup (literally and figuratively)

What does the Worldcup means to you?
I've maintained a pretty neutral and nonchalant attitude throughout the game, right till the semi-finals.
Spur moment spontaneous bet on Yoghurt (SOGHURT to be exact) and Bubble tea made the game awfully exciting.
Going against the hot crowd favourite GERMANY and putting my faith in SPAIN, has proven to be right.
But nothing comes easy, my faith is SPAIN was a result of countless intense interviews with football fans and a big fat D on my article. Well, at the very least I won some food.
Staying awake, catching the match, reading tweets from every fan - all that split moment actions made the night worth every minute of sleep I lost.


The Finals was heart-stopping. (both literally and figuratively)
SPAIN was the team of choice for both Paul (the soon-to-be-calamari-rings HAHA) and me.
With that strong support in heart and mind, I bet on the game. I lost of course, given that SPAIN won only in the extended match. But who cares, the big picture was that SPAIN won, and I (along with Paul) were right. Well, I should have researched on previous Worldcup finals, most teams were stuck on DRAWS during the Worldcup and won by penalty/extended game. Dad, who has missed all the other matches and is more of a vainpot than a football fan, actually bet on the draw and won. He tribal danced his way back to his bedroom when the match hit 93 minutes. Damn, what cheap thrill! The finals, as significant as it was to the Worldcup fans out there, was also a highlight for my heart. Some kind of strange uneasiness and change occurred during a span of 6 hours - 11am to 5am, from anticipation to end. Till now I can't figure out what that is.

Enigma.

I don't know if I'm imagining things or if I'm really heading for that direction.
Do our actions sync, or is this just me and myself?
So all these really bright and sunny thoughts come floating into my realm of thoughts.
And I smile like a silly kid in awkward public spaces.
So it's all me or what?
Just don't write me off just yet.

//

Take Me Out.
You are my defibrillator.
My Dreamcatcher.
Dance like no one(but you) is looking.

The story of my favourite book (not a book review.)

My copy of "Essays in Love" is on loan, a sign that it is a treasure shared by all.
As all good books are. They never should be left on a bookshelf (or anywhere else) with other books, crammed together with its only purpose..making its owner look intelligent.

The book I took an almighty 2.5 years to finish.
It even stayed in Hong Kong for 6 months with me.

The pages have turned yellow, bad mouldy spots have appeared, the dog-eared pages have increased since I last read the book and my previous life mantra (and also ex-favourite quote), written on the very last page of the book, has changed. FYI, that quote's : "better being wrong and in love, than in doubt and without love."

That quote has since gone to live in a reclusive place call "Museum of wrong life mantras" as I grew to realise that I am more comfortable being in doubt and without (romantic) love.

This book is a souvenir from my favourite and most coveted job at Borders.

I chanced upon it While on my dreadful cashier duty, when a young lady between 25 - 28 years old handed me the book. I took a quick 2 milli-second look at it, copied the title on a blank piece of paper and the rest is history.

Funny thing was, I bought the book but never truly understood it until end last year, when I re-read the book and quotes. Perhaps university education did put some kind of sense into my little head. Making it THE book of my late teens, THE book that managed to put my perspective of relationships into categorisation and made it food for thought. Alain is not totally correct about love in his book, but he made a statement about the way we analyse love and its stages. Most importantly, he highlghted the possibility to love at many different corners, and the coincidences that cupid throws us with.

realise that:

Friendship is golden.

My yaya-sisterhood has run into an obstacle.
I hope she walks out of this.
Xinyu if you're listening, I'm trying to reach out of you.

Sentimental music has this great way of taking you back somewhere at the same time that it takes you forward, so you feel nostalgic and hopeful all at the same time.

HIGH FIDELITY, NICK HORNBY

Some hope in this darkness.

and then I will go back to being my crazy self.