Sandy's 20st at GastroBARRRRRRR

Just a few classics from that night.
We owe her a proper celebration - LIBING AND WENDY!!!!! TAKE NOTE.









Unglam Unglam Unglam.
I tried to dress like a lady.
did I mention I saw an over-turned frog struggling on the sidewalk? With it's polarbear-white belly smiling at me.
GOD I COULD HAVE DIED.
Sandy and I... there's so much I want to say about us, but lets not overanalyse everything.
Keep the good things the way they are.
HAPPY 20th BABY.


oh bother...wendy and sandy are both JAPAN-ing.
cant ROCKBAND the night awayyyyy

A jamieoliver nigellalawson floyd bobbiechin moment.

Blogging in the kitchen - a first.
Itunes blasting from the kitchen - a first, and a newfound joy.


It's strange being at home for more than 3 days in a row.
My soul has touched-base with books, free-online-streaming websites and cooking utensils.
I must say that trying to rip off the flesh of raw chicken is one hell of a laborious task.
Not to mention scary too, my thoughts went from "hell yeah I should be a vegetarian" to "poor chicken" to "ok, we've past 6.30pm, I'm too slow with the chicken".

So I had a jamieoliver nigellalawson floyd bobbiechin moment.
Marks and Spencer never fail to bring out the foodie in me la.

Bought linguine and carbonara sauce from M&S!!!! I did feel kinda cheated when I went to the nearby supermarket and realised that linguine costs only $2.50 a pack. In case you're wondering, I paid a bloody $6 bucks for it. NICE.

The pre-packed sauce is great, there's black pepper and bacon bits in it, but C'MON no one dumps this thing straight on the pasta right? It would be...cheap pasta.

In the spirit of creating a hearty homemade meal, I bought mozarealla cheese, full cream milk, chicken and egg (essential ingredients for REAL MADE-FROM-SCRATCH carbonara sauce) to add to the pre-made.








GARLIC - I swear I chopped up one planet worth of garlic for marinating and cooking.


The picture doesn't do the pasta justice I swear. Im not a fantastic cook but this pasta tasted similar to WARAKU's and I don't think I'll ever spent 20 bucks eating pasta there again.

Desert was Mixed berry yogurt with milk/fruit juice - a habit I picked up in Aussie 4 years back.

The brother and father enjoyed it.
I had the time of my life trying to cook the pasta, chopped garlic like mad (my hands still reek of garlic), slicing chicken and mixing the sauce.
So much so for not cooking for nearly 8 months.
Next up on the list - cheesecake, then maybe cookies or brownies.



All HAIL THE DOMESTIC GODDESS. (or so I think)
...


My heart takes a break as I overload my senses with distractions.
I don't wake up in the middle of the night with any more mysterious tunes in my head.
I stop holding my breathe as your image floats into my mind.
I sing with the intention of pleasing myself, no longer for another cause.
I read with a vengeance.
and I eat for pleasure, no longer just to pass time.

ABSOLUTELY RANDOM

LOOK AT HER HIP AREA!
Like similar to mine! OMG.
So i dont have a genetic mutation..Thanks mum and Charlie Theron.






WEET. SLEEP.

Hall 9 - picking up the pieces.

The start of something tiring.
Im still in the midst of perfecting this life.



















Insights.
Imagine.
Speculate.

10 titles in Borders - Brain Food 2009/2010.

10 titles in Borders I should read/get before my 21st.


Books are like drugs. Addictive, gets you on a high, and leaves you wasted and wanting more.
There ought to be some intellectual aspirations before the year ends, so here goes:

1. Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder- fiction/philosophy (includes a chapter on Freud and Marx respectively). BRAIN FOOD.


2. One Hundred years of solitude by Gabriel García Márquez - fiction - After "Memories of my Melancholy Whores" I think I am ready for this.


3. English Patient by Michael Ondaatje- fiction - Something about the war entices me. how relationships are built, killed and rebuilt.


4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë - fiction/classic - This inspired Stephenie Meyer's TWILIGHT SERIES, and its a love story...


5. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë - fiction/classic - I cant find a reason.


6. What the Dog Saw by Malcom Gladwell! - Non-fic - Journalist, writer, sociologist. READ FOR BRAIN POWER BOOST.



7. Other People's Love Letters: 150 Love Letters you were Never Meant to See edited by Bill Shapiro - non-fic/lov. Because Im a sucker for all things related to love and I TOO DAMN KPO to give this a miss.


8. Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak - filled with monsters and hope. Maybe I'll feel like a kid again after reading this.


9. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith - Fic, I love Mr Dracy too much to miss this!



10. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger - Fic, Just because Time Traveller's Wife was so damn good.



I spent more than an hour looking, touching and smiling at books.
Some are addicted to porn, Im addicted to books.
I cannot stop thinking about the next title to read.
And I also cannot go on enough about how great literature should dominate this world (no, not an elitist) and perhaps we can read some great works of fiction for class?!!!!
And not to mention they are great things for impulsive shoppers to buy.


Books in my possession that I WILL READ/FINISH reading ASAP:
1. The Reader
2. Memory Keeper's Daughter
3. Enduring Love - Ian McEwan, I've always loved this guy, "On chesil beach" was good and I bought enduring love only to procrastinate reading it.
4. Sophie's World - JUST BOUGHT IT! WHEEE
5. I simply cannot complete this list, thus will end it here!

Books WORTH reading (if you haven touched a book in ages):
1. Norwegian Wood
2. Essays In Love - not easy reading, I took 3 years to finish it
3. Outliers
4. On Chesil Beach
5. Twilight (this totally lowers intellectual capability but WHATEVER LA)
6. Time Traveller's Wife


the words that flow through my veins.
Quotes that provide life with a glimmer of hope.
Off to re-read Amy Tan's "Joy Luck Club"!!!!

Dog Days.

We are ever so tied to modern inventions, right, I really mean technology.
Think internet, think mobile phones and think Ipod.
Today I made a trip without my Ipod.
(so as to avoid the idea of "ichance" - a term used to describe the scenario whereby you lose the chance to know someone new because you were i-pod-ing.)

I walked in the rain, I got drenched, I thought about the semester.
More correctly, I reflected.
I reflected about how i was always afraid.

Afraid of being alone, when everyone is with someone.
Afraid of being seen alone.
Afraid of being seen in the wrong place wearing the wrong clothes.
Afraid of being seen without a smile.
Afraid of knowing my grades.
Afraid of being stuck in an awkward situation with a stranger.
Afraid of talking too much. (not really so but...)
Afraid of being in the rain, unsheltered.

Afraid. Afraid. Afraid.

Every ounce of insecurity and fear left me today.
I was walking in the rain, drenched despite the umbrella.
And I wondered why should I hold on to something that was NOT keeping me safe from the rain.
Infact, why was I afraid of the rain?
Why am/was I afraid.

Where is that "I don't fucking give a damn" tongy tong tong from just 6 months ago?
where is the TONG that was a friend to Libing, Charissa, Sandy, Wendy, Grace and even Kristie/Chrystal ETC?
I have lost that arrogance that kept me going.
Or is it more correct to say that this arrogance and PRIDE has been the obstacle I cannot get pass?
Lets work on that I dont give a fuck attitude, which is diminishing with passing time.
Lets work on it baby.

That long walk I took without my Ipod and Umbrealla left me drenched.
Wearing jeans and my favourite shoes, I made the choice to let the rain fall on me.
There is really nothing to be afraid of tong.

The dog days are over, sweetie.

What do you think?

Im not obsessed with what people think about me.
But this really stirs my brain juices.
Does it stir yours?
perhaps perhaps.


- I need more than a listening ear, I need a shoulder to cry on, and an intellectual mind that amuses me.

One Strange Monday.

I stop feeling as if my heart is bleeding to death when I listen to Yamagata's "Quiet".
I think that sums up how I feel about certain issues in my life.
As painful as it is, as distracting and as antsy as I sometimes feel, it all has to pass.
Quit getting to the root of the problem because there was barely a problem to begin with.
I dont quite expect anything.
I'll be just as quiet as I leave okay? Just as quiet as when I first got here.
I think for the first time in NTU, I am actually succeeding at doing something.

..

Mr Floppy called to torment and tease.
I can't say I hate it, I smiled till my muscles ached.
And even if he was here to deliver a simple, and rather disappointing piece of news, it was a reason to call.
I know that with him, I can be very frank.
I don't have to search for a season to text him, call him or FB him.
I could do it without a care in the world.
We communicate without a care in the world.

I don't think of him.
But I do think about Nepal and next semester - supper-buddy-less.

It's strange, he is everything and yet he is nothing.

One abstract - for Sunday.

Empowerment, Do I really need or want that?


"I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map. I knew that somehow, I can find my way back."
- FNTM, Cosmic Love

Hall 9

Sometimes solitude is my best friend - just sometimes.
:)

Sandy's 20th.

HAPPPPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAY SANDY BABY.

You'll always be my baby!

Cease to exist.

Pain cease to exist under certain circumstances.
But not today.

We all like to read stories, someday I will tell mine.
But not today.

Normally I speed-read and I copy quotes faster than I can finish a 40 mark exam question.
But not today.

Life used to be mundane-ly beautiful, with avoidable circumstances.
But not today.


"I feel like I'm riding on an empty train to nowhere"
- B Schlink, "The Reader".


Now I need to make an exit.
Yes today.
Place myself in a crowded place.
Yes today.
Smile at strangers in my way.
Drink, get drunk, stagger home.
Yes today.
Wear my 4-inch aldo heels.
Drink, get drunk, stagger home.
Yes today.
Laugh, make merry and forget the upcoming exam.
Drink, get drunk, stagger home.
Yes today.

Don't (fuck me infront of me)

Don't grieve when no one believes you.

Walk into my room.

Me and you and a story of unrequited love.

When two hands just won't clap, even under forceful circumstances.
Because we form our own assumptions,
we block ourselves from each other,
we are together, but apart,
we are not listening,
and we are talking,
but not communicating.


We need a spark to ignite this fire.
There is no chemistry and Im forcing this upon us.
too much pain.

John Mayer is treating my heart, SHHHHHH.

"I think you've succeeded in finding the best possible way to torment me."
Things I think about when I think about you.

...

2 exams down, 2 more to go.
Life is caught in an entrapment of sorts,
Im feeding on lots of energy from the internet,
Facebook, Blogs, Tumblr, Youtube
For the first time in my life I have subjected myself to a virtual life.
The worst part is,
seeing the beauty and addiction of it.

...


Mr Floppy says I'm capable of having four thoughts at one moment.
And it leaves my brain and my mouth dumbfounded.
Yes, I bracket my thoughts alot, and my sentences too.


...

Have you ever met someone and realised that he is possibly the one for you,
that you are not in love with him but he's the one for you.
Have you, have you?


Please share your experience with me.





. "it's heartbreak warfare"

Blasphemy

blasphemy
If we are talking bullshit I'd rather not talk.


.

If we are talking but not communicating,
I'd rather be an observer.



.



give me a hug.
A declaration.
A sign.

"I don't expect anything"

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

- QUIET, R Yamagata.


Libing once said it's a good song.
I see it as a 'background noise/wallflower' kinda song.
Until 3 days back, (again) i woke up in the middle of the night,
this song was ringing in my head.

...

Come Thursday,
Libing and I will discuss about the titles of our biographies and its content.

give thanks

Scones from Australia was very delicious.
thank you wendy.

Into the darkness and out again.

I crawled out of bed with a pain in my head.
and my heart.

It must be the effects of caffeine.
I knew I maxed-out my limit 2 days back.
Anxiety attack. Frightful dreams of the future.
I knew.

Its ironic how i preach to many about the importance of taking care of the body,
that the body is, really a wonderland that should be managed with discipline.(no, a temple really)
Don't smoke, I said - not gonna do your future baby's brain development any good.
Don't drink too much I said - it'll make you puke.

But I, instead choose to let caffeine take over my diet.
Coffee with bread, tea with rice, coffee with stress and tea to destress.
Coffee for joy, tea for sorrow, coffee for tea and tea for breakfast.


you know what's the most ironic thing,
i am out of control,
and after this post I will still go on stretching that limit.
For I am without my social embrace, I need something else to keep me sane.


bring my heart to sleep, bring my head to sleep.
let me body stay awake, let it suffer, let it pain
for this toilsome life is killing me.


...


we all need some motivation, some encouragement and some love.
That bank was refilled for me yesterday
but as soon as they stepped on bus 199,
it seemed to be emptied immediately.

I feel like a kid in need of praise, a hug and a smile.
or even better, something tangible to hold on to.
I no longer want to be sarcastic, ruthless or even patronising.

an hour in my dreams, an hour of self-reflection.

Kings of Leon would say I need somebody.
I beg to differ tonight.

I can't.

I can't update my mac.
I can't stop staring at the aussie scones Wendy gave.
I can't help wondering about Sandy's life.
I can't forget the delicious porky oily dinner with libing.
and I can't stop thinking of you.

Intentional Communication

One-way attempt by source to bring about an effect on the part of the receiver.

hint: some back and fourth interaction occurs.



.

I feel so much for Hovland suddenly.
Great men of the past, they did their share of analysing.
the wonders of the human mind,
so complex, and really, so simple all at once.

Need to shake my deep and dying love affair with words.
need to stop attempting.
need to let it engulf me.
need to let it understand, we need each other.
I don't work alone.

i still, need to read some poems.

FOR Camy.

Welcome to my virtual life.




via tumblr

Outgrow, will I?

WE outgrow love like other things
And put it in the drawer,
Till it an antique fashion shows
Like costumes grandsires wore.

- E.D

Poems.

POOR little heart!
Did they forget thee?
Then dinna care! Then dinna care!

Proud little heart!
Did they forsake thee?
Be debonair! Be debonair!

Frail little heart!
I would not break thee:
Could’st credit me? Could’st credit me?

Gay little heart!
Like morning glory
Thou’ll wilted be; thou’ll wilted be!

- Emily Dickinson


Discussion with my hall 9 neighbours about poems.
Made me realise how much I use to like tearing apart prose and poem.
Savour them.
look at their superficially.
Look at them in-depth.
Put a relationship into it.
Put some loss.
Break them down,
and.
Tear them apart.

People-watching in Canteen 9.

Life in hall 9 has opened up my eyes to many things.

mainly: WHY do people ostracise?

I keep seeing people hanging around, alone. And I know they do not have a choice.

Situation 1:

I overheard a conversation today while queueing:

Group A chatters excitedly, Lonely boy hangs out behind them, they obviously know one another.
Lonely Boy (to group A): Can I join you for lunch?
Group A, Boy A: Sure...
They sit together, and physically they are linked up to the same mainframe.
Mentally, Lonely boy is still lonely boy.

Situation 2:

Boy A and Girl A having breakfast.
Boy C takes a seat behind them, yes, they all know each other. Acquainted I say.
Boy C buys breakfast and decides to join Boy and girl A.
They sit together, but there is only awkward silence.


Not everyone fits in.
Many a times im the odd one out.
But seeing my friends, I feel lucky.
I feel happy and most of all i feel grateful.
For the people around me.
For after entering uni, I have realised that nothing stinks more than a meal alone (and not due to choice).
If you even get what I mean.


...

MB106 TOMORROW!! an d I still have heart to blog. Amazing.

Over and Over again. Day2.1

via I Heart Love.
You see you see, someone agrees with ME!
ok, actually many many people hold on to this thought.
maybe too many.

Over and Over again. Day2

this sem is breaking my heart.
break break break break break my heart.

Im a diehard believer in horoscope despite the fact that NONE of it has come true.

over and Over again. Day1

Im trying to believe.
I stare into the soul-less night in disbelief.
and I ask myself why some things will never work in our favour.


if you could see me now.

Over and Over again. Day0

Keaty's birthday
Xinyu's birthday
Wentong's birthday
21st birthday!!!!

finished thelma and louise
finished "making saturdays count"
finished cultual studies quiz
finished the DREADED MB106 essay (re do three bloody times)

WENDY IS BACK
SANDY is coming back tonigightttttt

CRAMMING for MB106
repetitive. illogical. this is my life now hahahaha

and lots and lots of laundry.

in the mood.

有些人注定和寂寞相伴

- 戴佩妮 "兩難"

YES, I LOVE TYPING IN CAPS.

YOU PUT FEAR AND ANGER INTO MY HEART.
I KNOW IM NOT AS CAPABLE BUT IS THERE A NEED TO TALK DOWN IS THERE A NEED TO BE THAT ANAL.
PERFECTIONISTS LIKE YOU ARE BETTER OFF WEARING REPTILE SKIN SHOES AND WALKING AROUND IN AFRICA.
FUCK IM SO DEPRESS I DUN EVEN KNOW WHAT IM TYPING THIS.

home-bloody-sick

I swear I've never been homesick.
Not when I was away for half a year in HK.
Not when I was put through a torturous camp.
never. not in the worst case scenarios.

Today Im homesick.
This is despite the fact that bro came over to NTU yesterday and today.

Questions for myself:
- what do you wanna name the documentary
- how can finish drawing a story board in one day
- can we honestly finish studying for a quiz in less than ONE DAY?!
- Avid, can anot?
- MB106, maybe I cant minor in business la
- damn it im dying!

RW.day 7.1

I AM A BLOODY FUCKING LOSER
SORRY I MESSED UP
SORRY SORRY
SORRY

OH I HATE MYSELF
I WILL STAB MYSELF A MILLION TIMES TONIGHT.

RW.day 7.1

I have a feeling that we're gonna communicate today.
Don't let me down will you?

No, I don't wanna see you in my dreams thank you.

be4 we cut an album.

Rainy days with Yamagata..

Makes me feel like having a real lover
instead of having some psuedo one I can only blog about.

If "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", then my beholder is positively asleep.
If "love is blind", then maybe lust can my saving grace.
If the "love of my life", is going to appear, he had better make a grand entrance. 20 years apart is no joke.




Just three for today.
I'll go squeeze my brain juice and try to crack some jokes.

over and over

I say stupid things when I see you
I act stupidly
I overreact
I say the obvious
I laugh way too loud
I talk like I'm shouting
I think aloud
I want to stand close to you

now now, do I still stand a chance despite the stupidity?

the things my friends have to endure when they are with me.

Post 412 - very unsatisfied.

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can't tell dreams from truth
For it's been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore
When I get really lonely and the distance causes only silence
I think of you smiling with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

Are you really sure that you believe me
When others say I lie
I wonder if you could ever despise me
When you know I really tried
To be a better one to satisfy you for you're everything to me
And I'll do what you ask me
If you let me be free

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

- Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglová "If you want me"


I realised I need to be satisfied visually and emtionally, to a huge extent.

Night - Dreaming:
so sweet I coulden wake up in time.
It's not the Oedipus complex Im driving at,
But there was a warmth, a similar fatherly gesture
there was you,
there was us,
and there was a future we could work towards.
Im only afraid that like all dreams I have, they are just but dreams.
never ever coming true.

Yes, that would be nice too.
we have so little to say and so much to do.

Post 411.

physical differences.
Mental gaps.
intellectual diffusion.


today I see it. so clear it blinds me.

RW.day 6 (we are almost done here)

There is no reason why.
no loathing.
no assurance.
no pain.
and most ultimately,
no gain.

Nights spent with you.
are like nights spent alone.

daylight is my saving grace.

Can you hear the pulse of heartbeat slowing down.